"Two from Perfect"

I am not at the point where I could say my life is perfect. But I can definitely say things are close to being perfect. I know earlier I talked about perfectionism and my experience of overcoming it, but this is different. This is not me being down on myself because things are not perfect. I am in rejoice because at this point in my life I truly feel that everything is on track, and there are only two things missing in my life. Nonetheless I am still ecstatic about how my life is going at this point.

The reason I feel such an important significance about the way my life is now, is because for years I have felt like there was some unseen force in my life, doing everything it possibly can to make me mad, ruin my life, and make me generally miserable. I felt like things in my life were constantly being wrecked by either myself or the unseen force. I felt like I could never stop ruining things just by being me or trying too hard (things I cannot really control). I thought I would never catch a break. This had been a habit I had tried to break countless times in the past few years. A few times I did break the habit, and things seemed like they were finally on track and that I could finally be happy, but then the habit returned, and I was back to cursing everything that happened in my life; back to making a bigger deal out of things than they were.
This has always been a struggle for me. The thing that makes it even harder and possibly the reason as to why I do this, is because I have a chemical sort of depression. It usually isn’t something one can grow out of. I have to take antidepressants every day for that reason and for other mental struggles I have. If one day I forget to take my meds, I spend that day either completely miserable for no reason, or I am “over the top” happy and out of control (depression can work both ways).

So, the reason why I say I am “two from perfect” is because there are only two things I can name that are missing. Things are still great without them, and I am not upset about not having them in my life, but it would be even better if they were. I’m not going to name these two things; they’re quite personal. But I will talk about everything that is on track.

This literally all started on one day after a conversation on the phone with my friend. Before this, I had a lot of problems. There was a girl at my school causing a whole bunch of problems and pain for everyone (again) and this time it was so much worse than the time before. All my friends were losing their tempers, arguing with each other, and feeling really down because of this girl. I was having my own little problems and this made it harder to deal with them. For about a year I have been thinking and looking into the next phase of my life: moving out and going to college. Since I don’t have a drivers licence and I likely won’t before I graduate, I need to live close to whatever school I went to so I could get public transportation. I don’t do well alone because I get lonely and scared; I needed someone I could live with. But my two options weren’t good ones. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against these two people; they are my best friends, but I feel the relationship could be compromised because with one: we get tired and short with each other when we are around each other for too long, and the other: I think if we spent too much time together, we might run out of things to say and do, just like happened with a good friend of mine, who practically lived at my place. There were some other problems but it would be too long to go through all of those.

This was almost all solved in one phone conversation. To sum it up, we found a solution to this girl that was causing trouble. We decided we were the right compatibility to be roommates, and I discovered we are going to the same college, so the question of where to live is solved, and this person also plans to move out of her house at the end of next school year.
Even though we never had to use the solution against this girl (don’t worry it’s not anything mean or wrong), we have almost been completely freed from the girl’s influence. Things worked themselves out. All of my friends are happy again; and this makes me even happier. I found this is a good time to try and break the “being down on my life” habit. I am forming a new habit of not getting so upset about things, learning to appreciate the small things, and just enjoying what is good in my life. Two from perfect, but pretty damn good!