My Struggles Pt1: Elementary School

I always saw this book on shelves at school. The book called “Loser” by some Spineli guy. I have been curious about it and wanted to read it for years, but I never got the chance. I spotted it again at my school library and I had some time before my bus came to get me. So I decided to finally read it. This book brought a lot of memories from my childhood.

When I was young I was very misunderstood. Teachers saw me as a trouble-maker and often took to disciplining me in the wrong way. These techniques they used are quite commonly used, but for me it only made things worse. I often never understood what I had done wrong. The punishment confused and upset me, and only caused me to act out even more. My last year at the elementary school I went to, the principal had decided to not let me go have recess for a few weeks. During this time I was to sit in the office and work on material that was more appropriate for a grade two, and was not for marks. As upset as I was, I obeyed. I sat there every day working hard and not saying a word. By the time this few weeks was over a teacher brought me to the principal, and he told me that we need to continue with this for two more weeks. This same thing happened over and over. Every time my time was done, I was told it would be two more weeks. Each time I retaliated. I didn’t know why I was being punished in the first place, and in my opinion I had been perfectly behaved during my detention. To this day I still do not know what I did wrong in my detention to deserve extra time. I began to believe the teachers were attempting to have me inside at recess for the rest of the year. After more than a month of being detained, and another time the teachers telling me I needed two more weeks, I lost it. I freaked. I was so upset. Because of my “disability” (as I do not like to refer to it that way) I did not understand when I was doing something socially unacceptable. I was not able to explain myself or my thoughts. I was constantly being bullied and retaliating against the bullies due to inaction from the teachers. When I told on someone, I was always told “It takes two to tango. What did you do to make them do this?”. When I was told on for retaliating, I was punished without question. This is because, to everyone, I was just a troublemaker.

The bullying started because I was clearly different. My classmates hit the age where they start to realize what is and isn’t normal. This was only the start. Over time it got more and more intense and more and more people began to join in. And in turn, I was retaliating more and more, until the point where I had lost all my friends, and the teachers were punishing me for the littlest things. The fact that I didn’t understand that I was different made my handling of the bullying worse. I didn’t know that I had ever done anything to deserve being subjected to this. Again, the teachers did nothing about it. Every existing condition at this school made me feel worse and worse, and act worse and worse. Near the end of the year of grade 5, my mom decided that none of the teachers knew how to properly handle me, and that I should start coming to Onoway School, where she worked. Over the summer after this school year I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and prescribed medication to help me self cope, and to help me be able to deal with others better too.