Mental Awareness Week

I wrote about 3 disorders because these are the disorders I have.

Asperger’s Syndrome

To put Asperger’s Syndrome in a nutshell, it is a low understanding of social communication and a high understanding of logic and facts (low social IQ, high intellect IQ).

The biggest struggle is communication. It can be hard to understand jokes, hidden meanings, and other messages that are not entirely verbally delivered. I struggle to properly read body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, and intended meanings. I often misinterpret the meaning of people’s actions. I can be paranoid because of this. Some examples are: when someone logs off of facebook I sometimes think it’s to avoid me; sometimes if people are whispering or laughing I think it is about me. I often take things the wrong way and get mad because I misunderstood, and I also am very misunderstood myself. I am not always conscious of how things I have said or done may have come off.

People with Asperger’s Syndrome suffer from anxiety, esp. social anxiety. I hate crowds! I hate people who stand behind me! it makes me so stressed and nervous. Many have probably noticed that I always let everyone through the door first. This is partially due to social anxiety.
Anxiety can cause or is caused by many other traits other than just anxiety alone. It causes Aspies (a name for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome) to be inadaptable to change. Schedules and repetition are a comfort zone for Aspies. When I was a kid I used to freak about any last minute plans or plan changes. I felt like I had prepared myself and that the change has torn my whole world apart. I would have to re-prepare myself mentally. Aspies tend to do, use, eat, drink etc the same thing every day. I have some foods and drinks that I ate/drank a lot (same meal every day) and became so sick of it that I cannot eat/drink it anymore.

Due to repetitive behaviour with likes, I can focus very deeply on one thing longer than the average person. I can sit and knit for hours or projects. I also gain a deep understanding of things in my interest. Aspies tend to fanaticize about certain things of interest and deep understanding. Interests are often more like obsessions. In elementary school, Xena the warrior princess, was my whole world. With interests, my attention can be very focused, but very one-dimensional. I can be doing homework or watching TV and will not hear a word that is said to me.

Because of anxiety, I can often have a mental or emotional overload. This can lead to crying or just completely shutting down. When I shut down, I don’t move or talk. I ignore everyone and everything. I cannot think or try anything. But this is not exactly a breaking point. I shut down because I know if I try more or speak/look at someone, I will lose myself and become hysterical. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen anymore.

With the attention span I have due to Asperger’s Syndrome, it can work both ways. I can walk right past a t-rex, and then point out a small stain on the floor. I usually don’t notice obvious visual things. But I can pick up every little detail of something I am examining. In kung fu, I can reproduce a technique exactly just by seeing it once. The detail of reproduction can be down to a toe. My visual memory is phenomenal.

And to sum things up, Aspies have a deeper understanding and interest with things that everyone takes for granted. I love water! I used to sit and run water over my hands for 20 minutes strait when I was young. Many people with Asperger’s Syndrome do very well in observatory careers, such as scientific research or editing non-fictional literature. Aspie children have abnormal play. It usually involves things like me and the sink, that may seem strange to others, and order and organization. Some Aspie children will arrange toys rather than playing pretend with them like any other child would.

Like most mental disorders, there are pros and cons. You just have to find how the pros can be applied and used!



OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

OCD is a very individualized disorder. There are many common obsessions in OCD, but everyone who has OCD has their own unique obsessions.

The most common obsessions in OCD are about cleanliness and order/organization. This can involve double checking, sterilizing, obsessive tidying, and things having to be in a specific spot or order. When a person who has OCD carries out their urges, it is called “ritualizing.” Not carrying out a ritual can cause anxiety. When a person with OCD cleans or organizes, it has little to do with actual physical cleanliness. It is a mental satisfaction. An item can already be clean and a person will want to clean it. The person can have cleaned things up but they will continue until they feel that sense of satisfaction and until the anxiety ends. When I step in something wet, I will wipe my foot off way past the point of it being dry or clean. Even if I just stepped in water, I will freak if there is the chance that it may not have been water.

OCD often involves perfectionism. The perfectionism can often be focused on certain things, or general (everything must be perfect). I am very good at painting and drawing, but I avoid doing it because if it is not perfect, I will redo over and over until I give up and throw the work out. In kung fu, I struggled to learn new techniques based on the anxiety and low self esteem felt from not being perfect. Flaws are not an option for someone who has OCD. The battle for perfection can be great, even over little meaningless things.

The anxiety felt about OCD obsessions can range from person to person. Some people will feel deathly afraid if they do not ritualize, and won’t eat food that they haven’t prepared themselves, or that hasn’t been in their view from opening the package, to eating. Some people refuse to use a toilet, or have to cover the seat not to make direct contact. In some extremes, people won’t touch anything. Anxiety from OCD comes in many forms. It can be a morbid fear, an annoyance, an inability to think or do anything else until the ritual is completed. Anxiety can become physical in some cases, leading to panic attacks, or in my case, a release of adrenaline so strong that it seems like I can physically feel it being released into my bloodstream. It is pure energy surging through my body, so much that it can be hard not to squirm about the feeling or because of the surge of energy.

A lot of obsessions felt by someone with OCD are quite random, and the person cannot explain where they originated from, nor the feeling that drives the ritualizing. I have a few weird ones that I cannot come close to explaining:
· Drinking water constantly
· Double and triple checking things (varying from my alarm clock to my hair)
· Having to write with only a very sharp pencil
· Pushing my glasses up (even when they have not slid down or I don’t even have them on)
· I hate corduroy
· I can’t stand when women tuck in their shirts
· I often retie my shoes if they are just a little too loose or tight
· Prime numbers annoy me
· I constantly have to make extra space, whether it is in my closet or my computer. I constantly go over all my files and delete what I may not need or want


Chronic Dysthymia Depression

This is the disorder that has held me back the most. When I am down, I am antisocial, unproductive, and I avoid live and everything normally enjoy.

Chronic Depression is different from most depression. Most depression (even severe cases) are based from a direct cause, and don’t last for life. Chronic Depression is for live and can be caused directly or indirectly by events, or just for no reason. At random moments I can feel horrible, and broken down to crying, when nothing has happened to make me feel sad. Chronic Depression can range from phases, to episodes. The depression phases can last days to years. Most of the time there is a cause for the depression phase, and the cause can be a miniscule event that has been blown out of proportion.

Stress is a major cause of depression phases or episodes. Most episodes are because of emotional overload, where too much drama or stress has gone on for a certain period of time, and it causes the person to just break down to either crying, or rage.

During a phase of depression, a person can experience complete loss of interest in enjoyable activities and life. The person cannot enjoy the same things they used to. Feelings of hopelessness, self doubt, worthlessness, and self consciousness can occur during a phase. The person can even experience unexplained loss of control and hyperactivity, which makes it hard to realize that a person is depressed. It can be an automatic counterbalance of depression that is controlled with difficulty. That annoying, obnoxious pain in the butt at your school could actually be suffering from depression, rather than ADHD. Other symptoms of depression are eating disorders. This can be a use of food as comfort, or a loss of appetite, or an attempt to lose weight based on low self esteem brought on by depression.

Depending on the person, someone who is experiencing a phase of depression will have suicidal thoughts. The person, even having experiencing ups and downs, will feel like the depression won’t go away, and that things will not get better, leading to suicidal thoughts. It is important for this person to recognize that it is only a phase. I used to have suicidal thoughts. The only reason I never followed through is because of fear of death, loss of religious faith, and being able to look forward to things happening in the future (like a new movie or a fun event). I am glad I never followed through with my thoughts. I am as happy as I could ever imagine, and I haven’t gone through a depression phase or episode for two years. It is so important for everyone who is depressed, chronically or not, that it is a phase, and they need to talk to someone. Sometimes the release of what has been kept inside can be enough to save a life.