I just want some honesty!

I am finding myself frustrated over and over again because people cannot be honest with me. I just feel time and time over like there is something people need to say to me but cannot get the guts to do so. wish if people had a problem, they could just tell me, for crying out loud! I don’t read minds! How is anything ever supposed to be fixed if it is kept a secret? How can I improve myself when no one will tell me my faults? I’m not aware of many of my faults, so if I’m making you mad, TELL ME! I never intend to make people mad, and that is something I want to be able to fix but how can I when you let me continue.

I’m just tired of wondering who my real friends are. My whole life I have been proud of, and strived to be tough. So I don’t want pity in any shape or form. I don’t want people to be fake with me just because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. The hurt of you admitting you don’t give a crap about me and would prefer not to associate with me does not come close to comparing to the frustration and spent energy I feel from trying to figure you out and trying to make things work. If you don’t like me, then I don’t have interest in being friends, and I can get over that fast. It’s nothing compared to the hurt I feel whenever I try to call you and there is always some excuse for not answering the phone or returning the call, or when I try to make plans and it’s all “yeah I’m looking forward to it”, then there is always some last minute reason that you can’t make it. And I know deep down that you never intended on showing. THAT is what hurts. When you sit there are lie to me.

I can really only say that I have two friends that I trust 100%. That fact hurts more than the fact of only having two friends would. These friends tell me what needs to be said. They aren’t afraid hurting my feelings. And if anyone else maybe would say what’s on their mind they would find that I take it a lot better than you think I would. I appreciate honesty, so I don’t get mad when something slightly offensive is said. I actually don’t take offense from it at all. But no one knows that because they humour me. That is one thing that I hate the most is being humoured. And I am so tired of it!

Anyone who reads my blogs would know about the fact that I have Asperger’s Syndrome. And I have explained that I do not read into non-verbal communication on the same level that others do. So when I tend to do something that is annoying, or rude, etc, I have absolutely no clue that that is how people see it. SO TELL ME! I hate offending people. I hate being rude. I hate being annoying. I hate making people mad. And I want to be able to improve myself but I cannot do that with people letting me continue as I am without telling me that it is a problem. I have major trust issues because too many people are fake with me. I don’t like having to be suspicious of my friends. And I wouldn’t be that way if people would just say up front that they do not have interest in being my friend. Let me move on, and let me be able to not be so paranoid about people that are actually genuine. Because at this point, I have to confront people that I have suspicions about. And sometimes I’m wrong. When I am wrong, I hurt the people that I care about. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Between being frustrated over people that can’t tell the truth and hurting my friends, this is why I have such a passionate hate for this issue. I just really want to be able to trust my own friends.