Journalling

I just want some honesty!

2010-11-02T01:43:00.000-06:00

I am finding myself frustrated over and over again because people cannot be honest with me. I just feel time and time over like there is something people need to say to me but cannot get the guts to do so. wish if people had a problem, they could just tell me, for crying out loud! I don’t read minds! How is anything ever supposed to be fixed if it is kept a secret? How can I improve myself when no one will tell me my faults? I’m not aware of many of my faults, so if I’m making you mad, TELL ME! I never intend to make people mad, and that is something I want to be able to fix but how can I when you let me continue.

I’m just tired of wondering who my real friends are. My whole life I have been proud of, and strived to be tough. So I don’t want pity in any shape or form. I don’t want people to be fake with me just because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. The hurt of you admitting you don’t give a crap about me and would prefer not to associate with me does not come close to comparing to the frustration and spent energy I feel from trying to figure you out and trying to make things work. If you don’t like me, then I don’t have interest in being friends, and I can get over that fast. It’s nothing compared to the hurt I feel whenever I try to call you and there is always some excuse for not answering the phone or returning the call, or when I try to make plans and it’s all “yeah I’m looking forward to it”, then there is always some last minute reason that you can’t make it. And I know deep down that you never intended on showing. THAT is what hurts. When you sit there are lie to me.

I can really only say that I have two friends that I trust 100%. That fact hurts more than the fact of only having two friends would. These friends tell me what needs to be said. They aren’t afraid hurting my feelings. And if anyone else maybe would say what’s on their mind they would find that I take it a lot better than you think I would. I appreciate honesty, so I don’t get mad when something slightly offensive is said. I actually don’t take offense from it at all. But no one knows that because they humour me. That is one thing that I hate the most is being humoured. And I am so tired of it!

Anyone who reads my blogs would know about the fact that I have Asperger’s Syndrome. And I have explained that I do not read into non-verbal communication on the same level that others do. So when I tend to do something that is annoying, or rude, etc, I have absolutely no clue that that is how people see it. SO TELL ME! I hate offending people. I hate being rude. I hate being annoying. I hate making people mad. And I want to be able to improve myself but I cannot do that with people letting me continue as I am without telling me that it is a problem. I have major trust issues because too many people are fake with me. I don’t like having to be suspicious of my friends. And I wouldn’t be that way if people would just say up front that they do not have interest in being my friend. Let me move on, and let me be able to not be so paranoid about people that are actually genuine. Because at this point, I have to confront people that I have suspicions about. And sometimes I’m wrong. When I am wrong, I hurt the people that I care about. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Between being frustrated over people that can’t tell the truth and hurting my friends, this is why I have such a passionate hate for this issue. I just really want to be able to trust my own friends.

Spirit Day

2010-10-20T12:54:00.001-06:00

Today we are supposed to wear purple in memory of those who have committed suicide because of gay hate. I am very passionate about fighting gay hate so that’s what I’ve decided to write about today.

To start off, I cannot understand why someone has to go out of their way to make others’ business their business. If you don’t like something, then don’t be involved. Ignore it. We all hate bad weather, but that doesn’t mean we all go around shouting at rain and snow and trying to beat it. No, we dress warmly and go on with our day. If people are racist, they hide it because it is socially unacceptable in our society. If you don’t like certain personality traits, you avoid people with those traits. So why is it that so many people have to go out of their way just to show that they do not approve? It’s nonsense!

Secondly, what part of anyone else’s love life is the business of someone else? I cannot walk up to two strangers and say they cannot marry because I wish them not to and have it be. No, they would laugh at me for thinking I get a say and move on and get married. So why should it be difference for same sex couples?

Thirdly, who is anyone to judge? Who is to say that it is not right for people to be gay? “God intended man and woman to be together”. Ok, when did he tell you that? How do you know what god intended? When did he speak to you? Ever think that maybe god created everything as he intended and everything that exists is his doing? Doesn’t the bible say that we are all equal in god’s eyes and he created us all equal?

“Gay’s will pay for their sins?” Honestly? As if people chose to be gay? Isn’t sin an intentional choice made by a person? That’s like saying “all blondes will pay for their sins.”

To finish off, I just wanna say that the soul has no gender. Love comes from the soul. Love is love no matter where it comes from, man or woman. And please stand up against hate of any kind. No one should be made to feel miserable enough to want to end their life.

Students should not be protected from the law

2010-09-23T13:03:00.000-06:00

Bullying is an extremely bad problem in schools. Students kill themselves over it. Students suffer deeply. But almost NOTHING is being done about it!!!! Teachers tend to shrug it off. Excuses for doing so range from “they need to toughen up” to “it’s not a problem”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!! People don’t blink an eye at it. But then they are SO SURPRISED when a student kills themselves or shows up to school with a gun.

This problem is not taken seriously enough. Teachers do little to nothing about it. But they should not be the law in schools. THE LAW SHOULD! A student that physically hurts another student shouldn’t have detention or suspension, they should have assault charges! If that student did so outside the school they would be charged for assault, so why are students protected from legal punishment when it happens in school. There is no difference. Assault is assault, no matter where it happens.

And what about bullying too? People may say “bullying isn’t illegal”. Bullying
is harassment. Harassment is illegal. Bullies need to face harassment charges.

What is suspension? That is no punishment! That is a vacation! Bullies that get suspended don’t care. They see it as a day off. Detention is no different. People don’t care too much about having some free time taken away. Students don’t care too much about being expelled either. They see it as a year off or just go to another school and bully students there. This is the only form of punishment if any at all. Usually bullying and harassment problems are ignored, by everyone. Everyone wonders why bully victims don’t seek help. Maybe because they never receive any help when they try to seek it. Because there is no help, there is no hope. Students resort to suicide or violence. Students try to solve their own problems. They shouldn’t have to! They should be able to report to the police these crimes. But since schools are left to take care of the problem, the police won’t do anything. But yet the teachers won’t either. Yeah some teachers do help, but not enough. And since punishment at schools is less than a slap to the wrist (more like a poke to the side of the head: just an annoyance), I do not think it should be left to a teacher to punish for these crimes. They are crimes! Crimes that should be handled by the law! Student bullies need to stop being protected by schools. Bullying is assault and harassment. Assault and harassment are crimes. They need to face the legal consequences for their actions. Maybe we might have less school shootings and suicides.

So Glad to be Out of High School

2010-09-12T09:06:00.000-06:00

It’s been a week living in Grant Macewan residence and I’m sooooooooooooooooooooo glad no one here is still stuck in the high school ways of socializing. I haven’t gotten a single dirty look so far or a face where you can see the person thinks they know what you’re all about. And it’s really fun because everyone is not afraid to break out of their shell. People are noisy and quirky. It caught me off guard when there was ice cream being served one night in the lobby and I went down to find everyone jumping around all excited instead of sitting in a corner all like “keep it cool. Keep it cool. I know this is ice cream and I’m so excited about it but I gotta keep it cool and not be a ‘freak’”. Back in high school I was one of the few that was comfortable enough in their own skin to not hide the quirky side. I’m quite surprised to see just how many people have been hiding it, trying to act “cool”. Everyone who was like that in high school was usually considered a “freak” or a “weirdo”. People aren’t afraid to be themselves here, people aren’t afraid to run up to someone else and chat them up. One guy even walks around in a lab coat, and people think it’s cool and expressive rather than weird. I feel so at home. No one is left out either. If anyone is sitting in a corner with less than 3 people with them they really need to be prepared to be bombarded by 10 people who say they “look all lonely by themselves” (even if there are some other people). I could even hear a bunch of girls outside my door debating whether or not they should just knock on all the doors and say hi on move in day. People will even leave their door propped open and people are welcome to join in on whatever they are doing. I haven’t seen a single clique. I haven’t seen anyone excluded.

This way of being is so easy which only leaves me with one question: why can’t people be like this at high school? I mean, the only difference between high school and college ages is two small months. I really don’t see why high school has to be the way it is. I’m not going to complain forever but my heart goes out to all those people that have to experience some of the things they do. I hate to see people depressed and killing themselves just because other people cannot get over themselves and stop trying to be “cool” all the time. Being “cool” causes so much emotional stress and/or damage to EVERYONE. I barely survived sometimes.

And it kills me to know about all the people in there that are in the same position I was, but they don’t have a passion and a kung fu family to keep them alive like I did.

(Cant really think of a title)

2010-09-07T22:04:00.001-06:00

My Biggest Regrets
• risperidol
• space and science centre mishap
• acting stupid at that birthday, and the other birthday
• trusting and confiding in someone I knew couldn’t be trusted
• trusting and confiding in someone I knew was fake
• not noticing that she did mind
• lending out my things and money to her
• not exposing the truth about her before she destroyed my credibility
• letting him abuse me
• all the things I ruined by trying to fix or improve
• losing touch with so many people I cared about
• scaring people away
• all the scars
• letting so many people take advantage of me
• ruining my chances by acting stupid
• procrastinating
• always jumping to conclusions
• giving up to easy with so many things
• not taking care of problems before they got out of control
• not doing something about my suspicions
• standing up for someone who let the person (that made them a victim) make me a victim too
• dropping German 10

• forgetting to blog over summer (lol whoops!)

Things I don’t regret/am glad happened
• not getting my licence (long story)
• saving her life even though she betrayed me later
• my best friend ditching me. it led me to a real friend that I didn’t know it at the time
• getting sick and almost dying. I missed a lot of school but it helped me get out of an abusive relationship
• not jumping off that balcony, or swallowing those pills
• finding my true faith
• getting out of a toxic place, even though I lost a lot of friends doing so
• not quitting kung fu when I was in a really bad rut
• cutting off all the people that were bad for me. even though it made people think I was a prude
• not giving up when I was scared

Something my friend wrote for me to cheer me up (i thought i'd share it because it's funny)

2010-06-20T18:54:00.000-06:00

Earlier today, I was grinding off the backs of some screws in a carburetor. As I did this, hot steel was of course spraying in every direction, causing me some minor burns on my forearms and hands. As I did this, a particularly large chunk of steel, a small shard of red-hot metal, was flung into my wrist and embedded itself there. Now, as I pulled it out with my fingers, cursing, I couldn't help but think philosophically. What was the purpose of this shard? Was it just a part of the screw that was at random thrown into my skin by the grinder? Did it have some sort of purpose other than to serve as the bottom of a screw holding down a throttle plate? Come to think of it, was this shard of steel, temporarily lodged in my arm, even from the screw? Perhaps, I thought as I cursed and threw the little chunk of metal behind my back, it was a small spaceship, manned by tiny aliens. Or maybe it was a missile launched by aliens in a botched attempt to take my life. Or maybe, just maybe, it would serve a much higher purpose after I discarded it. After all, its matter had an ancestry stretching back to the dawn of the universe. Surely, after at least 15 billion years of existing in many different forms over the eons, this little piece of matter wasn't going to simply end its tale now. But a much more pressing matter was also on my mind:
Goddamn that thing hurt.

More and Less

2010-05-12T14:29:00.001-06:00

Things I wish the world had more of:
• Respect
• Compassion
• Heroes
• Charity
• Sympathy
• Freedom
• Open refuge
• Sharing
• Listening
• Understanding
• Cooperation
• Patience
• Love
• Peace
• Support
• Environmental concern
• Communication
• Kept promises
• Protection of those in need
• Karma
• Human rights
• Safety
• Help
• Discipline
• Knowledge
• Tolerance
• Order

Things I wish the world had less of:
• Crime
• Poverty
• Hunger
• Hypocrisy
• Abuse
• Misunderstanding
• Judgment
• Killing
• Selfishness
• Lies
• Cheating
• Stealing
• Fighting
• Cruelty
• Ignorance
• Vengeance
• Carelessness
• Broken promises
• Pollution
• Disease and illness
• Disaster
• Chaos

You killed a part of me

2010-05-03T14:41:00.000-06:00

It’s been months now and I am still getting rid of things that remind me of you. That just goes to show how much we shared. Thanks for throwing all that away...

I started with what I was wearing. I had the bracelet you made me, I burned that. I had the necklace we bought (well…..I bought….), I threw that away. There is the concert t-shirt that is now at the back of my closet. There was the peace crane I made to help you with your problems with the one who was out to hurt you, I burned that. I had to delete most of the pictures from my 19th birthday. I had to delete most of my pictures in general, because they were all taken by you, of you, or with you. I had to delete all the bumper stickers we shared: “We will be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing homes”, “I love how telepathic we are”, “only we understand our jokes”, “I have someone who I call family, that really isn’t”, etc, etc, etc. I took down all the posters you left at school. I erased your message you left on my white board. I took the spare sleeping bag and pillow out of my room. I kept the Christmas gifts I intended on giving you, for my self. I deleted all the hilarious videos we made.

I gave you everything. I shared everything with you. I saved your life. I drove away the one who was trying to hurt you. I prevented her from turning everyone against you. I influenced the one you loved to ditch the enemy for you. I spent every weekend with you. I paid for everything that you got at the mall. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on fireworks for your birthday, because I was the only one who showed. I kept you sane when you were about to lose it. I helped you tend to your cuts when you didn’t want to go to the hospital. I was there for you every time you wanted to die. I put up with you ignoring me whenever your special one was around. I put up with you ditching plans with me for that one. I forgave you when you broke plans we made a year in advance last minute, leaving me alone, and lying to me about not being available (when really you just didn’t want to spend that time with me). I protected your secrets. I nearly lost a friend of mine because I spent so much time with you. You said I was your sister. We thought so much alike that we always said the same thing at the same time. Besides that we were literally telepathic. I stayed up late to make sure you were ok when I could sense you were distraught.

We shared our entire lives. We spent all the time together that we had. And then once a girl came and told you lies, you believed it and disposed of me. Even after that person did their best to make you miserable, did their best to turn everyone against you, did their best to split us all up, hurt your special one time and time over, did nothing but lie to her, to me, to you, and spread lies about you to everyone. That person was a notorious, compulsive liar, and for some reason you chose to believe the lies she told you about me. You did not question it, or even get my side of the story. You just threw me out. And even though it’s been a few months, I do not hurt any less than I did back then. You think I hurt you, but look what you did to me. You destroyed me. I have never been the same since.

How can someone just throw everything away like that? Especially after what we shared? Especially after what I did for you; what I gave to you. Especially since you know her well to be a compulsive liar, to try and split you up from all your friends. This makes no sense. The least you could do after all this is answer that question. Why did you believe her so easily? Why did you trust a liar over someone who has never given you reason to distrust?

Lack of Effort Brings Lack of Inspiration

2010-04-28T15:16:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to mention to all the students something that they may not know.

Some of us have issues asking for help. We often wait for it to be offered. A lot of people use body language of needing help in the form of acting sluggish and giving up. They try and make it obvious that they need help. The problem with that is: if you show little effort to try, a lot of blackbelts are not going to want to show effort to help.

I can say, that in my point of view, if I see a person give up, I lose all desire to offer help to that person. I do not want to offer help to someone who appears like they many not use it, especially if they appear to not care. If you don’t care, I don’t care.

When you lack intensity, effort, and drive; the feeling is contagious. The blackbelts will lack those traits when it comes to teaching.
I am not trying to offer criticism to anyone, I am offering advice.

If you have problems asking for help, the best body language you can use to get help is to try your best, put in effort, put in intensity, and act like you care. We will notice if you make a mistake or if you do not understand and we will come and help you. We can see the lost look in your eyes. But, like I said, if you appear to not care or want to try, we will not care or want to try either. So help us help you.

Did You Ever Wish………?

2010-04-22T11:11:00.000-06:00

There was no such thing as disease?

We could all get along?

There was no crime?

There was no poverty?

There was no pollution?

There was no war?

Abuse did not exist?

Animals were not treated so poorly?

All people were equal?

There was no racism, or discrimination?

Devastation and disaster would all go away?

Homes could be given to those who have lost theirs?

Smoking does not take any more lives?

No more people would die, waiting for organs or blood?

That we can all forget our differences, and put the past behind us?

That miracles could really happen?

Miracles don’t happen. It’s time to take action. We can fix our world. We can help eachother.

How can you contribute?

Recognizing the Signs

2010-04-08T13:57:00.001-06:00

I have been diagnosed with chronic depression. I have explained, at the minimum, my experiences with this. I think it’s time I open up to everyone. Maybe this can help save lives.

Even though I was diagnosed with depression, I never noticed my symptoms. I never felt like I had depression, until junior high.

It has only been the past few years that I have learned to recognize the signs of depression in myself. It is hard to recognize, because it is not always typical behavior of someone who is depressed. Looking back I see that I have been dealing with depression my whole life.

When I am depressed, I usually tend to lose control of myself. I act extremely hyper, I look for trouble, I starve for entertainment (no matter what I have to do to get it), and I get short with people. Sometimes I completely lash out at small incidents. Up until now, I always wondered why I acted like such a brat; why I couldn’t stop acting like that, even though I hated myself when I acted like that.
In elementary, I was not very accepted due to my lack of skill for non-verbal communication. When people started to pick on me, I fought back. This only increased the problem. I started to become depressed as I was losing friends, and I started acting out even more because of the depression. I became a total nutcase. I even had a friend of mine tell me that I had scared everyone off because I had thrown a chair across the room.

When I transferred to Onoway , I had a fresh start. Things were great until I was in the junior high/ senior high school. Typically, new students will get picked on by the older ones. Obviously I retaliated against everyone who picked on me, and the cycle started again. But this time, my depression became severe. It was so severe that not only did I have no control over myself, but I felt dead miserable. I hid in the bathroom and cried every day. I missed many classes because I was hiding in the bathroom crying. I had made such a mess of things by retaliating, and acting strangely due to my depression, that nearly the entire school made me a target to harass and pick on. This is when I started having suicidal thoughts.

The thoughts weren’t frequent, but did occur every time I sunk to my rock bottom low. This started to happen more and more. The only thing that kept me alive was fear of death, and kung fu. Things got worse and worse for me as I acted out more and more. I was getting suspended almost on a monthly basis. I was losing all my friends. And I was close to being expelled. But I just could not stop acting out.
At the end of grade eight, I was told that I could not come back the next school year. I cried so hard I couldn’t breath. I was told it was because I belong to parkland, and not northern gateway school district, but I know that is just an excuse. The whole school, even the teachers, had enough of me and couldn’t deal with me anymore. I was transferred to the outreach I go to now.

Things were great the first year, I had no problems. The next year, there were a whole lot more students enrolled. I made more friends, but also had more drama. The problems is that, I tend to forget stressful times easily. I kind of black them out (unintentionally. So I can’t quite remember the things that caused me to be depressed again at first, but it was mostly friend drama.) I went through 2 week long phases of depression, where I just felt like dying. It didn’t help that I was going through medication changes at the time.

Then the second year of high school I crashed. The difficulty level of grade ten and grade eleven had a huge gap. I struggled so bad with chemistry 20 and social 20. It didn’t help that I was given books from one version of social 20, and assignments from another format. I didn’t know this, so I assumed I was just pathetic and incapable. I convinced myself that I had reached my peak of capability in my life, and that my life was over. This was my worst phase of depression. I wanted to die every day. I broke down and cried every day. I found myself standing on the side of the road, with the intention of jumping in front of a car. I found myself standing by the edge of balconies. I thought about death every day. I spent some time coming up with the quickest, easiest, most painless way to go. I even researched exactly what happens when one overdoses on sleeping pills. I had a bottle of pills hidden in my room, ready for when I made the decision. And I started cutting.

The first time I cut was I had to where hoodies, in the summer, just to cover it up. After that I didn’t do it for a while, until I heard some bad things being said about me. And I cut myself again. I didn’t cut again for a while after that. But then the depression worsened, so I started cutting again. After over a year of this, the cutting didn’t work anymore. I no longer felt the release of negative energy that I got from it before, so I upgraded to burning. I did it once, and it felt so great. I felt like all my pain and stress disappeared (because the injury caused my body to release endorphins, just like cutting).

After that, things started to pick up. My life quickly went from a one to a ten. I quit cutting and burning for a long time. But after losing my best friends, I burnt myself once more. The day after I did this, I decided it would be the last time. Because I was afraid of how far it could go. I was afraid that, since I upgraded from cutting to burning, what would be next?

Since then my life is back in place. I have learned a lesson about how to deal with my pain in less self destructive ways. But I still go through a period of depression for a couple hours every once in a while. My friends know when I am feeling like crap because I act like a nutcase still. A lot of the time I don’t even recognize it.

But when I was having suicidal thoughts, and hurting myself, no one had a clue. I was lucky to have kung fu as a second home, and to be afraid of death, so I was able to get through it without anyone’s help. But there are so many people out there who are just like me; no one has a clue about what is really going on. The only difference is, they have nothing. They don’t have a passion and a second home. And a lot of people escalate to the point that they do not fear death. It is important to be able to recognize when someone you know is depressed and suicidal. They can be hard to miss, or easily misinterpreted. Too many people die from symptoms of depression not being properly recognized by others.

There are many signs of depression and suicidal tendencies to look for:

•Strange behavior, ranging from outrageous to mellow
•Marks drop
•Loss of interest in things
•Fascination with death (perhaps in drawings or dead bodies)
•Low self esteem
•Withdrawal
•Pessimistic attitude
•Insomnia or excessive sleeping
•Giving away belongings and cleaning up belongings
•Loss or gain of weight
•Loss or gain of appetite
•Excuses to avoid making plans or hanging with friends
•Hostility toward friends and family (so that people won’t miss them, or because of loss of control, or because of loss of control of self)
•Lack of concentration
•Lack of interest or concern
•Lack of emotion or extreme emotions
•Excessive self criticism
•Excessive criticism and complaining in general, or the opposite (they just don’t care about things that should concern them)
•Rebellion
•Promiscuous behavior
•Drug use
•Refuses help of any kind (even when unrelated to depression, ex: help with a project)
•Major mood swings
•Desperate need for attention
•Desperate need to find entertainment or happiness
•Desperation in general
•Starts committing crimes
•Spontaneous rash behaviors (ex: shaving their head or cutting of all their hair)
•Destruction of once valued belongings
•Cutting or burning (or trying to cover body parts with long sleeps or never wearing shorts)
•Short temper
•Self destructive behavoir
•Dangerous activity
•Gives up easily

Reach for the Sky!

2010-03-24T11:42:00.000-06:00

Why do I feel that people are trying to crush my dreams?
I grew up being told that I can do anything I want to do; achieve anything I want to achieve. But now that I am at the stage of choosing what I want to do with my life, it feels like I’m being told (in between the lines) to be more realistic. I feel like people think I am not capable of doing what I have always wanted to do; what I have always been great at.

It started with my principal. Ever since I took CALM in grade ten, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. In the past year I have decided how I will achieve that goal; where I will go, and how I will do it. I have my five year plan in place. I felt so proud of myself and like others should be proud of me. But that is not the reaction I have received. My principal came to me, and tried to convince me to go to a career fair (which when I overlooked what career stations were there, I saw that most of them were underachiever jobs, and none of them had anything to do with my passion: science). All the other people invited to this fair were the extreme special needs kids, whom which are still taking elementary and junior high courses. I felt so insulted! No offense to those kids, but I am WAY past that level and WAY more capable of achieving so much more than that. “Is this what she thinks of me?” I thought.

So, I obviously declined the offer. Only to face months more of her trying to convince me even more to look into other options. So now I am getting even more hints that she thinks I am not capable of what I have chosen. She knows I have already gone to career fairs and researched careers very deeply before I chose what I wanted, and now I am being told to keep looking. Way to say “you can do anything you choose.” Sounds more like “maybe you need to chose something a little easier.” Ummmm…….excuse me? I have spent my life deeply buried in research and projects of biology, I have such a deep understanding of if from what I have learnt on my spare time, so much that biology 30 feels like review to me. So once again, I find myself being underestimated.

After brushing this all aside, I am then being told by my mother and psychologist that I need to look at other options. But I’ll say it again: I have already gone through that whole process. They keep telling me “well what if what you want to do doesn’t work out?” OUCH! Again I feel like I am being told that I am not capable of what I have chosen. Which is even more confusing that it was only a couple months ago that I was being told to narrow my career choice. And now they are telling me to broaden it. Jeeze this is so frusterating!

I am tired of being underestimated. I always found, that in childhood, I was being told to reach for the sky. Now I am being told to reach for what is in my reach. You’d think that, in knowing me so well, they would know I never settle when it comes to my achievements. I have always reached for the sky and I always will. I’m tired of people assuming that I cannot do something, without even giving me the chance to try. Good encouragement eh?

The point I am trying to make is that, when you get older, you are given (what people see to be as) more realistic views. But no one ever got anywhere by playing it safe. No one ever made it by listening to being told that they cannot do what they try to. If anyone tries to tell you that you are not able to do something, I think that should be an invitation to a challenge. I plan on proving everyone wrong who is telling me to try something else; something easier.

I challenge you to prove anyone wrong who tells you that you are not capable of doing something. Reach for the sky, and don’t settle for anything!

You cant rain on my parade!

2010-03-15T20:37:00.000-06:00

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.   

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:   " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"   "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"   "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"   "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome'sTiber River called Teste."   "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."   "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."   "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.   Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."   A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .   "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.   And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"   "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."   "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.   Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."   "Oh, really! What'd he say ?"               He said: "Who messed up your hair?"

Vinegar and Honey (a message to C.S.)

2010-03-04T17:31:00.001-07:00

(This is a composition of my feelings, experiences, and witnessed facts about someone I used to call a friend. When I say “you” I am directing towards with individual, not the reader.)

I ignore your annoyances, you complain to everyone about mine.
I am kind to all my acquaintances, you attack yours.
I mind my own business, you intrude upon mine.
I let my friends be friends with you, you try to turn them against me.
I tell the truth, you are a compulsive liar.
I let things be, you manipulate them.
I tell of betrayal to the betrayed because they have a right to know, you tell them to start fights and tear people apart.
I get over things, you are bitter.
I contain my misery, you spread yours.
I am happy when others are happy, you are happy when they suffer.
My friendliness and humour attracts attention to me, your desperation attracts attention to you.
I lie to protect people, you lie to ruin people.
I am making more friends, you are driving yours away.
You betrayed me time and time over (and I remained civil and kind), I didn’t take your side and you made me your target.
You blame others for your problems, you are the blame for others problems.
You are blood-thirsty, I am hug-thirsty.
I make my own happiness, you depend on drugs to be happy.
I am warm, you are cold.
I offered you my warmth, you gave me a cold.
I love, you hate.
I love peace, you love drama.
I pick up the pieces, you lay them out.
I give, you take.
I am generous, you are selfish.
I am real, you are fake.
I am a butterfly, you are a wasp.
I am confident, you are cocky.
I cry when I am sad, you cry to gain sympathy and attention.
I eat food, you eat people.
Misery loves company, company hates misery.
Sheppards herd sheep, your friends are people, not sheep.
People disagree with me (that’s life), people disagree with you and become a target.
You are bitter, and I am left with the aftertaste.
I have left you alone, you need to leave me alone.

Lesson to be learned:
I am happy and carefree, you are stressed and miserable.
I will have a happy life, you will remain miserable and alone.
I lost you as a friend, you lost all your friends (because of all this drama you have caused)
Honey is sweet, vinegar smells.

Simple and Complex

2010-01-25T16:54:00.000-07:00

I feel adorably awkward
I feel beautifully contorted
I feel short
I feel tall
I feel enlightened and intelligent,
As well as stupid and factless
I feel rejoicely melancholy
I feel talented, but limited
I feel strong, but weak
I feel safe, but in danger
I feel noticed, but unseen
I feel like a womanly man
I feel like a manly woman
I feel like a child
I feel so grown up
I feel bright
I feel dark
I feel beautiful
I feel ugly
I soar while I am falling
I am strange
I am normal
I am complex and simple
I am powerful and I am insignificant
I feel secretive and exposed
I am small
I am big
I am right here
I am over there
I am close and I am far
I love myself
I hate myself
I am social
I am withdrawn
I am openly guarded
I am numb
I am sensitive
I am sure and unsure
I am confident and doubtful
I understand, but I am confused

But my words are not confused
I feel and am all of these things at once
I am complex and simple
I am unique but I am just like you

Friendly Competition

2009-12-06T00:06:00.000-07:00

I hate competition. It always seems to bring out emotions, which leads to offense perceived and offense given (either intentional or unintentional). There are gloating winners and sore losers. There is jealousy and hurt feelings. There is a loss of confidence and an over-boost of confidence. It always seems to end in unfriendliness. I don’t like to be rated, especially against my peers and friends. I don’t like to be judged. I don’t like seeing tears and sad faces. I don’t like seeing “in-your-face” winners.
However, I LOVE competition at Silent River Kung Fu. Everyone is praised for their effort, whether they placed first or last. High placed competitors offer praise to lower placed competitors, and vice versa. People who placed last don’t even seem to realize, they just enjoyed the experience. People who placed first are happy, but care more about the experience than the medal. Everyone is smiling. Everyone is pumped. Everyone cheers for everyone else. We all come together as friends, not competition. Everyone feels welcome. Confident competitors are congratulated. Nervous competitors are encouraged, as well as given appreciation for their effort. Competitions at Silent River are always so much fun and such a happy time. I just wish ALL competition was like this outside of Silent River. I hope that Silent River’s example can spread our idea of competition, the way competition should be.

2012 Truth

2009-12-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

Remember my blog about the 2012 hype? I mentioned how stupid it is and how the Mayans couldn’t possibly make a calendar for infinity. Well a friend of mine (who is a walking encyclopaedia about science and the universe) told me that there is a reason why the Mayan calendar ends on December 12, 2012. What is going to happen on that date is that Earth will enter a new era of the zodiac. It has to do with our positioning in the Milky Way Galaxy. I can’t remember which zodiac it is though; it is the one with a guy holding a pitcher of water. But......yeah, it’s no big deal. It’s just like entering a new century; it doesn’t change anything or effect the world in any way. Thought some people would like to know.

Moshpit Metaphor

2009-11-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a concert and stood in the mosh pit in front of the stage. For the first band, everyone had their own space, and respected eachother. For the second band, things got tight and pushy, everyone was desperate just to get a few inches closer to the stage. My two friends had to bail. For the main band (the third band) I was getting knocked around, stepped on, and extremely constricted. Why couldn’t people stand how they did for the first band. Everyone could see, everyone could breath, and everyone was having a good time. Everyone was only about 5 inches closer for the third band than they were for the first. Are people that nearsighted that they need to be the closest they can get to be able to see anything?

This reminds me so much of society. People are greedy, inconsiderate, aggressive, and they blow little things out of proportion. I mean, HOLY CRAP, the things people would do for five inches! This is the situation in traffic (vehicle and human), school, work, stores, etc. People push, shove, take advantage of, destroy, hurt, offend, manipulate, other people for the littlest things these days.

Aren’t we a gregarious species? Aren’t we designed to help eachother to survive as a whole? Aren’t we social animals? Some species live in groups and help eachother, feed eachother, groom eachother, and look out for eachother. Other species live alone and fend for themselves, competing for food and territory. The way I see it, humans are the only gregarious species that act like tigers.

I just cannot believe the lengths people will go to for the smallest, meaningless things. I cannot believe how selfish society is today. I cannot believe people will fight to the death over 5 inches.

My Annoyance with High School Drama/Priorities

2009-11-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

So I was in line to pay at a store in the mall, when two girls behind me squealed “Oh my god we’re getting so popular now!” They were out buying new outfits to fit their new “popularity.” Man, I thought that only happened on TV! It was the stupidest thing I ever heard.

First of all, being on top of the totem pole is always confused with popularity. I think teens need to look up popularity in the dictionary. It is being liked by many people, not being nasty, bossy, and stomping on many people. Where was the translation lost?

Secondly, the high school totem pole is a bunch of hogwash illusions. Just because you stomp on someone and knock them down doesn’t mean you are at the top of the totem pole. Like I always say, zero is still zero, even with -1 and -2 under it. The high school totem pole only exists in imaginations.

Thirdly, WHO CARES! Honestly, what does it change? What does it give you? Other than hanging out with people that pressure you and stomping on everyone else, what good is it? I would rather hang out with people I get along with and like. I don’t care about ruling others or hanging out with the “cool” people. And the biggest point of all, can you put it on a resume? When you get out of high school (a short three years of a long life) will any of that matter? Will it matter who you hung out with, who you dated, who you put down? Will being “popular” boost your entire life. Will it boost your career? Will it make the rest of your life bliss? Have you wasted so much time on being “popular” that your grades failed? Will you now struggle to get into college? Will you have missed out on extra credit from extra-curricular activities because they weren’t cool? Have you pO’d “nerds” that you may later need to suck up to because they own companies? Do these “popular” peers really care about you? Have you lost all your real friends from ditching them for a “cooler” crowd? Along with all the skills you missed out on getting from being overdistracted and too cool for, you will not learn proper job social skills. These people learn that being rude and mean gets them somewhere; it gives them control. But this is the same behavior that will get them kicked out of class, fired, kicked out of an apartment, etc. WHAT IS HIGH SCHOOL POPULARIY WORTH?!

Afraid of the World

2009-10-20T13:14:00.002-06:00

Where do I start?

I have lived a very sheltered life. I have been protected my whole life, and maybe a bit too much. Because I am worried about how things will pan out next year.

This is my last year of high school. And for various reasons, I do not have a driver's liscence. I can't be driven to school in edmonton by my mom, and I can't drive myself. So, I have to move out.

I'm excited. I feel so restricted at home. There are so many things that I want to do, but cannot do under my parent's roof. I want to be free and decide for myself, and I want to be free of daily conflict. I am ready to leave the nest, but I think there is so much I do not know.

I guess I am starting out easy. I am going to a residence of Concordia, but I have not been able to set up a meeting, and I am worried about what it is like. Is it just a bedroom? Does it have furniture (because I sure don't)? Is there a kitchen? Where is it located?

I'm worried about transportation as well. I hate buses, and I don't know how fast I will be able to adjust to bus schedules.

But college is my biggest worry. Will I fall behind? Will I be able to get help? Will I be able to manage homework? Will I have strict or unsympathetic professors? Will I be able to find my classes? How far apart will my classes be? Will it be another four years of bullying from peers?

I can't wait til my Concordia meeting so I can get this all cleared up.

Living in the Present (to go with "living in the past" and "living in the future" posted earlier)

2009-10-12T19:01:00.002-06:00

Living in the future will stall your life. Living in the past will hold you back. Living in the present is the best way to keep living, keep learning, and keep making progress. But some people that live in today are living too much in today. They forget about what has been done yesterday. “Yesterday is past, it cannot be changed, so I will forget about it.” While we need to let yesterday go, we still need to remember and reflect what we wish we could change, so that we can use it to learn.

Today people can also ignore the existence of tomorrow. Even though tomorrow does not actually exist, it needs to exist in your mind. Some people get lost in avoiding being a tomorrow person, that they don’t think about tomorrow. They do what they can today, but they do not plan to improve and continue today, when tomorrow comes. They make and finish no plans. Often they live today as a fun and non-constructive day.

Even though we need to stop fretting about tomorrow and making self promises for tomorrow, we still need to take tomorrow into account. Even though we need to let yesterday go, we still need to use our memories to learn. Without that, we can easily achieve nothing today, and learn nothing today.

Mental Awareness Week

2009-10-09T11:35:00.001-06:00

I wrote about 3 disorders because these are the disorders I have.

Asperger’s Syndrome

To put Asperger’s Syndrome in a nutshell, it is a low understanding of social communication and a high understanding of logic and facts (low social IQ, high intellect IQ).

The biggest struggle is communication. It can be hard to understand jokes, hidden meanings, and other messages that are not entirely verbally delivered. I struggle to properly read body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, and intended meanings. I often misinterpret the meaning of people’s actions. I can be paranoid because of this. Some examples are: when someone logs off of facebook I sometimes think it’s to avoid me; sometimes if people are whispering or laughing I think it is about me. I often take things the wrong way and get mad because I misunderstood, and I also am very misunderstood myself. I am not always conscious of how things I have said or done may have come off.

People with Asperger’s Syndrome suffer from anxiety, esp. social anxiety. I hate crowds! I hate people who stand behind me! it makes me so stressed and nervous. Many have probably noticed that I always let everyone through the door first. This is partially due to social anxiety.
Anxiety can cause or is caused by many other traits other than just anxiety alone. It causes Aspies (a name for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome) to be inadaptable to change. Schedules and repetition are a comfort zone for Aspies. When I was a kid I used to freak about any last minute plans or plan changes. I felt like I had prepared myself and that the change has torn my whole world apart. I would have to re-prepare myself mentally. Aspies tend to do, use, eat, drink etc the same thing every day. I have some foods and drinks that I ate/drank a lot (same meal every day) and became so sick of it that I cannot eat/drink it anymore.

Due to repetitive behaviour with likes, I can focus very deeply on one thing longer than the average person. I can sit and knit for hours or projects. I also gain a deep understanding of things in my interest. Aspies tend to fanaticize about certain things of interest and deep understanding. Interests are often more like obsessions. In elementary school, Xena the warrior princess, was my whole world. With interests, my attention can be very focused, but very one-dimensional. I can be doing homework or watching TV and will not hear a word that is said to me.

Because of anxiety, I can often have a mental or emotional overload. This can lead to crying or just completely shutting down. When I shut down, I don’t move or talk. I ignore everyone and everything. I cannot think or try anything. But this is not exactly a breaking point. I shut down because I know if I try more or speak/look at someone, I will lose myself and become hysterical. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen anymore.

With the attention span I have due to Asperger’s Syndrome, it can work both ways. I can walk right past a t-rex, and then point out a small stain on the floor. I usually don’t notice obvious visual things. But I can pick up every little detail of something I am examining. In kung fu, I can reproduce a technique exactly just by seeing it once. The detail of reproduction can be down to a toe. My visual memory is phenomenal.

And to sum things up, Aspies have a deeper understanding and interest with things that everyone takes for granted. I love water! I used to sit and run water over my hands for 20 minutes strait when I was young. Many people with Asperger’s Syndrome do very well in observatory careers, such as scientific research or editing non-fictional literature. Aspie children have abnormal play. It usually involves things like me and the sink, that may seem strange to others, and order and organization. Some Aspie children will arrange toys rather than playing pretend with them like any other child would.

Like most mental disorders, there are pros and cons. You just have to find how the pros can be applied and used!

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

OCD is a very individualized disorder. There are many common obsessions in OCD, but everyone who has OCD has their own unique obsessions.

The most common obsessions in OCD are about cleanliness and order/organization. This can involve double checking, sterilizing, obsessive tidying, and things having to be in a specific spot or order. When a person who has OCD carries out their urges, it is called “ritualizing.” Not carrying out a ritual can cause anxiety. When a person with OCD cleans or organizes, it has little to do with actual physical cleanliness. It is a mental satisfaction. An item can already be clean and a person will want to clean it. The person can have cleaned things up but they will continue until they feel that sense of satisfaction and until the anxiety ends. When I step in something wet, I will wipe my foot off way past the point of it being dry or clean. Even if I just stepped in water, I will freak if there is the chance that it may not have been water.

OCD often involves perfectionism. The perfectionism can often be focused on certain things, or general (everything must be perfect). I am very good at painting and drawing, but I avoid doing it because if it is not perfect, I will redo over and over until I give up and throw the work out. In kung fu, I struggled to learn new techniques based on the anxiety and low self esteem felt from not being perfect. Flaws are not an option for someone who has OCD. The battle for perfection can be great, even over little meaningless things.

The anxiety felt about OCD obsessions can range from person to person. Some people will feel deathly afraid if they do not ritualize, and won’t eat food that they haven’t prepared themselves, or that hasn’t been in their view from opening the package, to eating. Some people refuse to use a toilet, or have to cover the seat not to make direct contact. In some extremes, people won’t touch anything. Anxiety from OCD comes in many forms. It can be a morbid fear, an annoyance, an inability to think or do anything else until the ritual is completed. Anxiety can become physical in some cases, leading to panic attacks, or in my case, a release of adrenaline so strong that it seems like I can physically feel it being released into my bloodstream. It is pure energy surging through my body, so much that it can be hard not to squirm about the feeling or because of the surge of energy.

A lot of obsessions felt by someone with OCD are quite random, and the person cannot explain where they originated from, nor the feeling that drives the ritualizing. I have a few weird ones that I cannot come close to explaining:
· Drinking water constantly
· Double and triple checking things (varying from my alarm clock to my hair)
· Having to write with only a very sharp pencil
· Pushing my glasses up (even when they have not slid down or I don’t even have them on)
· I hate corduroy
· I can’t stand when women tuck in their shirts
· I often retie my shoes if they are just a little too loose or tight
· Prime numbers annoy me
· I constantly have to make extra space, whether it is in my closet or my computer. I constantly go over all my files and delete what I may not need or want

Chronic Dysthymia Depression

This is the disorder that has held me back the most. When I am down, I am antisocial, unproductive, and I avoid live and everything normally enjoy.

Chronic Depression is different from most depression. Most depression (even severe cases) are based from a direct cause, and don’t last for life. Chronic Depression is for live and can be caused directly or indirectly by events, or just for no reason. At random moments I can feel horrible, and broken down to crying, when nothing has happened to make me feel sad. Chronic Depression can range from phases, to episodes. The depression phases can last days to years. Most of the time there is a cause for the depression phase, and the cause can be a miniscule event that has been blown out of proportion.

Stress is a major cause of depression phases or episodes. Most episodes are because of emotional overload, where too much drama or stress has gone on for a certain period of time, and it causes the person to just break down to either crying, or rage.

During a phase of depression, a person can experience complete loss of interest in enjoyable activities and life. The person cannot enjoy the same things they used to. Feelings of hopelessness, self doubt, worthlessness, and self consciousness can occur during a phase. The person can even experience unexplained loss of control and hyperactivity, which makes it hard to realize that a person is depressed. It can be an automatic counterbalance of depression that is controlled with difficulty. That annoying, obnoxious pain in the butt at your school could actually be suffering from depression, rather than ADHD. Other symptoms of depression are eating disorders. This can be a use of food as comfort, or a loss of appetite, or an attempt to lose weight based on low self esteem brought on by depression.

Depending on the person, someone who is experiencing a phase of depression will have suicidal thoughts. The person, even having experiencing ups and downs, will feel like the depression won’t go away, and that things will not get better, leading to suicidal thoughts. It is important for this person to recognize that it is only a phase. I used to have suicidal thoughts. The only reason I never followed through is because of fear of death, loss of religious faith, and being able to look forward to things happening in the future (like a new movie or a fun event). I am glad I never followed through with my thoughts. I am as happy as I could ever imagine, and I haven’t gone through a depression phase or episode for two years. It is so important for everyone who is depressed, chronically or not, that it is a phase, and they need to talk to someone. Sometimes the release of what has been kept inside can be enough to save a life.

Living in the Past

2009-09-24T19:43:00.002-06:00

So just after I posted about the account trouble, I noticed I had emailed the blogs to myself. So here is the next part.

Living in the Past

While many people live in tomorrow, many people live in yesterday. These people are people of self criticism and regret. These people cannot live today because they are stuck and lost in yesterday. They reflect too much on yesterday and what they have done; what they should have done.

Yesterday is gone. Yesterday can never be changed. It is completely useless to worry about what you have done and what you haven’t done; wishing you could change how you chose to do things. While living in yesterday, we cannot experience today. We cannot continue to live our lives because we are being held down by yesterday. We are being tied to yesterday. Today becomes nothing and we achieve nothing. Living in yesterday is like living in tomorrow. You will never achieve anything.

Yesterday people need to live a bit more in tomorrow. Past is past, and all we can do about it is learn from it. While worrying about what you should or shouldn’t have done, change that into thinking of what you will or won’t do in the future. If you are regretting saying something stupid, remember to think more before you talk. If you wish you would have done something, do it now. If an opportunity has walked out the door, go chase it; fight for it. If you have done something bad, go make things right.

Yesterday is out of reach. What’s done is done. We cannot change it. All we can do is learn for the future and try to fix things today. Fretting yesterday and wishing you can change it will keep you stuck. Today you will feel miserable. You will miss out on today until it becomes yesterday, then you will be fretting about another yesterday. It is another vicious cycle.

Technical Issues

2009-09-24T19:33:00.002-06:00

So I had typed up 3 blogs at school and saved them, and then my account stopped working. So I am waiting til the server at school can be fixed. Hopefully those blogs weren't deleted. So I will post them when I can have access to them. TTYL!

Living in the Future

2009-09-15T09:52:00.000-06:00

Now that I’ve wrote about the importance of planning ahead and how to do it, I think I need to mention about living in the wrong time.

Tomorrow does not exist without today. Tomorrow can never happen until we have finished today. So what will happen if we live in tomorrow? Do we truly exist? Are we truly living? Will we ever get anywhere? Some people are what I call “tomorrow people.” They are people who always decide to do important things later on. They are people that always say “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “I’ll start next week.” When that time has passed, has it been done? Have you found the promised time inconvenient and you put it off until the next day or week?

Once you tell yourself that you will do something later, you are getting in the mode of “later, later, later.” Once you put something off, it increases the chance that you will always put it off and it will never get done. Why not do it now? If you do it now it will be done, and you won’t have to worry about whether or not you will have time to do it when you had promised yourself. And then you leave yourself with one less worry, as well as training yourself to stop putting things off til later every time the time comes that you stated you would do it.

Other than never getting anything done by putting things off, “tomorrow people” don’t really live. People fantasize and plan for a fantasy future, while not enjoying and making today their fantasy.

I love today. Today is where I exist and live. Today is the only time that exists. Today is the only real time. Yesterday is only a memory. Yesterday cannot be changed. Tomorrow is yet to come. Tomorrow only exists with what we have done today. If we live in tomorrow, tomorrow may never happen. Because tomorrow cannot happen without today, and nothing can happen tomorrow if it hasn’t been started today. Make today your fantasy. Make today your goal. Build your life today. Make today the best you can. Don’t worry about tomorrow until it comes.

Successful Future (questions you need to ask yourself)

2009-09-02T15:47:00.004-06:00

I have a few gamer friends that think they are going to be a game designer for a living. No amount of convincing will change their mind. These kids have done no research about this career. They have not taken any computer courses in high school. And they have no plan as to where they will learn to design games. They have no clue what they are getting into. First off, they think it is a job of all fun and games. Designing a game is hard work. It has to be complicated enough that people will have a challenge playing it. You have to work out all the kinks and glitches. This can take years. You have your boss on your case 24/7 about what is happening, how perfect things are, being on schedule, making a perfect game. A very small percent of game designers actually get their games on the shelves. And this is all if you are a computer expert. You can't just be educated. You have to be extremely talented. Most people get into the industry and spend hours testing games to find every single kink and glitch. Yeah, playing for hours sounds like fun right? Trust me, after hours a day, every day, beating the game hundreds of times, it gets tiring. It can become murderously boring. Trying to get into this career without any research, planning, education, or talent is like a child trying to go gold panning in the creek down the road.

This is just an example of how hard being unprepared can be. With something like the choice of a career being made, you need to know exactly how things work, what your five year plan is, and exactly how you will get from here to there.

So, with that, I am posting questions you need to ask yourself if you want to be successful in what you want to do. This doesn't even have to apply to a career.

1. What is it you want to do?

2. EXACTLY what do you need to do to get there?

3. Do you have the skills and knowledge to do it? If not, then how and where can you obtain the skills and knowledge?

4. Have you been obtaining the right skills and knowledge to get where you want to go? Is anything missing?

5. Have you researched exact details of what you want to do?

6. Have you considered how you can handle hard times on your journey? Will you enjoy the results of the choice you've made?

7. Do you have a 5 year plan? a 10 year plan? or however long the journey or a stage in the journey will take?

8. Do you have the means to carry out your plan?

9. Are there any pre steps you need to take care of first?

10. Are you capable of what you have chosen?

11. Are you sure you know exactly what your choice involves through and after the journey? Do you need to do more research and contemplating?

12. ARE YOU SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

(and sorry for the long period without posts. i had some internet problems)

List for Happiness

2009-06-14T02:19:00.000-06:00

So many people complain that their lives are boring, and nothing interesting ever happens to them. We are entirely in control of how interesting our lives are, how much fun we have, and how happy we are. I’m writing this blog because since September, I have been really happy (and I haven’t had any periods of depression anymore), and my life has been so much fun. This is because I made it so. I feel so great. I enjoy life so much! And I want to share that with everyone. So I am making a list of things you can do to be happy, have fun, and have an interesting life.

Firstly, to be successful in achieving extreme happiness and fun, you have to forget about what other people will think. Don’t worry about what a stranger will think of you, you’ll never see this person again! This list is going to make you look silly; people ARE going to think you’re weird. Don’t let yourself care about that. Secondly, you need to learn to laugh at yourself. When you trip and fall, or make a silly mistake, LAUGH! Don’t get down on yourself. Learn to find silly mistakes funny. And thirdly, you need to forget about age taboos. The only thing anyone is too old for is diapers and sucking their thumb. The rest is open to do. So here is the list:

1. Ride your grocery cart back to your car.
2. Run around in the rain.
3. Go barefoot.
4. Sit on a bench with a friend, point up and whisper to eachother. See how many people look where you’re pointing.
5. Go swimming. I’m not talking about doing laps. Splash, surface dive, do flips off of the diving board. (Because no matter how you land, you hit the water and don’t get hurt)
6. Jump on a trampoline. Not a mini trampoline, a real one.
7. Have a water fight.
8. Play tag.
9. Wrestle.
10. Be spontaneous.
11. Blast music and sing along at the top of your lungs.
12. Play on an exercise ball. Don’t work out. PLAY. Try to balance on it and stuff. You can even pretend to be a cat on its back with a ball of yarn.
13. Write a weird story. It doesn’t even have to make sense.
14. Skip instead of walking.
15. DANCE!
16. Have a distance contest with paper airplanes.
17. Invent something that is totally useless.
18. Write a song.
19. Buy a craft kit and make it.
20. Ride a wagon down a hill.
21. Make a weird movie.
22. Build a snowman.
23. Play in the leaves.
24. Go sight-seeing.
25. Invent a new food recipe.
26. Go on a swing and swing as high as you can. Have a contest on who can jump off the farthest.
27. Style your hair or dress up like you would never dare to do. Try a mohawk.
28. Try something new every week.
29. Have a family game night. No excuses, skipping, or postponing allowed.
30. Set up a chain reaction contraption.
Hope you guys have fun with this!

JUST JUMP!

2009-06-08T09:27:00.001-06:00

What is life without some excitement? What is life without some risk? Without those, life would be boring, life would be stuck in one place. MANKIND would be stuck in one place. If no one ever took a chance, where would we be?

Life is full of mountains and canyons. We have to climb the mountains and jump the canyons if we expect to get anywhere. How can one feel the satisfaction of accomplishment if they remain at the bottom of the mountain, or give up halfway? How can anyone expect to fly or jump a gap if they don’t try it out?

We need to learn how to jump! We need to take chances! There are no bridges in life. You have to jump over a gap if you expect to cross it. If you wait too long, maybe for the gap to close, the gap will only lengthen or maybe sprout a barrier. Your chance will be gone, and if it is not gone, it will be further away. JUMP! Maybe you might sprout wings and fly, maybe you might land in a lake and take a nice swim, maybe you might jump the gap, maybe you might fall and crash. But if you fall, it won’t kill you. You get up, heal, and move on to your next mountain or canyon.

We can never know what will happen when we try to jump. This fact should be encouraging, not discouraging. WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN so we definitely don’t KNOW that we will fail. That should be some good motivation.

But if we never jump or climb, we never get anywhere, we never achieve anything, we never overcome anything.

Broken to Pieces

2009-06-01T12:59:00.000-06:00

It really sucks when one person has to ruin a good thing. It sucks when a person is so set on revenge that it ruins the relationships between everyone here. I hate this so much.
Whenever she isn’t here, we are all friends, we hang out in one big group. But when she comes to school, we are all grouchy at eachother. We are all holding grudges, and we all hang out in smaller groups. This is driving us all crazy. She ruins everything for everyone. People are grouching at me and getting short with me now because of her. What have I done?

She puts on such a fake act. She walks around smiling and laughing, meanwhile she is plotting and conniving. She blames my friend for her loss, and is out for revenge. Everything she thinks about and does is making my friend miserable. Its making EVERYONE miserable.

What came to her was her own fault. Her cheating led to her loss. My friend gave something back to her, so she could have a second chance. And she ruined that chance. Even though that something came back to my friend, that doesn’t mean it was my friend’s fault.

I can’t stay here anymore, today. She is here; and now everyone is grouchy and avoiding others. We are in small groups again. Each group has a grudge, and I don’t know who to hang out with. I’m tired of this.

This is not the first time this has happened. A few years ago, she did the same thing, but to a different group, and for different reasons. That time, her goal wasn’t revenge, her goal was isolation. She wanted another friend of mine all to herself. So she told lies about everyone, including me, to that girl. Now, instead of turning one person against everyone, she is turning everyone against one person. What people believe of my new friend is only true about her. What she has fooled everyone to think are things that are only true about herself, not my friend. Everywhere she goes, people break up. Friends begin to quarrel. Groups divide. No one can blame it on her, she is good at it. She can create any effect she wants, indirectly, so we cannot validly put it against her. We cannot go to the principal, because she is sneaky. She breaks the rules and doesn’t get caught. She indirectly influences people and events. She sucks up to the teachers and does jobs for them, so that they suspect nothing. And when she is caught, she is given a slap on the wrist. If one of us got caught doing the same thing, we would be expelled.
This really sucks.

Rainbows and Smiles

2009-05-25T11:17:00.001-06:00

So I was on the phone with my friend and I randomly blurted out “RAINBOWS! RAINBOWS AND.......SMILES!” So that started a thing where we said that all of the time. And I randomly looked up “rainbows and smiles” on youtube. I got this clip from the movie Mean Girls. It’s the part where everyone is apologizing on stage and this girl comes up and says “I wish I could bake a cake out of rainbows and smiles and we could all eat it and be happy.” Everyone thought she was a freak. So this is what triggered this blog.

Why is it that people are made fun of when they say they want world peace? Why is it that people laugh when people say they wish we could all be friends? What is wrong with hoping for those things? I think it is stupid for people to be ridiculed for envisioning great changes in society and this world. Without that invisionment, we will never make progress. People say things like “I want to help cure cancer” and everyone is thinking “yeah right. That’ll happen.” Without these thoughts, we will never cure cancer. If no one believes in world peace, we will never be able to achieve world peace. If no one wants everyone to get along and be friends, we will all fight and hate eachother.

I want a world with worldwide free trade and interdependence. I want a world with no war. I want a world where the wealthy can sacrifice some money for people who have none. I want a world where everyone is given the same human rights, and those rights are respected. I want a world with no crime. I want a world where everyone is friends with everyone they know. I want a world where people put their priorities aside and work toward helping others. I want a world with global equality.

Am I just a delusional dreamer? I hope not. Why does it have to be so hard to achieve these things? Why does it have to be so hard to even believe we can achieve these things? Why is it that countries care more about power and national interests, than the interests of mankind and the world? When the world can drop their pride and work together, with no barriers, we can save the world, economically, socially, and environmentally. When we all work together, we can all achieve our national interests as well as global ones.

One man didn’t build the pyramids himself. For mankind to achieve great things, we need to cooperate. We need to forget our individual role and realize our goal as a group. We have achieved great things because of cooperation, so why is it that so many people are reluctant to cooperate towards a new goal to make a big influence? After all the things mankind has achieved, why are we in denial of our capabilities as a group?

Don’t Lie To Me

2009-05-19T11:52:00.000-06:00

The truth hurts, but lies hurt more. If you are honest right away about your opinion, then I can accept that this is the way you feel, and move on. But when you lie to me, and make me believe you want to do things that you are only going to get out of last second, and make me believe you agree, and make me see an illusion, that really hurts. I don’t want games, I just want honesty. I don’t want you to try and avoid hurting my feelings, that is what really hurts. I wish you would say whether or not you want to go, or if you don’t like something. Instead of leading me on and getting me excited for an event, say no right away if you don’t want to, and before it’s too late to make other plans. Instead of letting me believe that you don’t mind things, tell me, so I don’t feel like an idiot for annoying you for so long.

I’m a very paranoid person. If you say you don’t want to right away, I think “ok she’s not in the mood, or not really interested in that event.” If you say you don’t like something right away, I will stop. But when you humour me, it makes me paranoid. “How many things is she humouring me for?” I think. “Does she even like me? Is she just humouring everything about me as pity or just not to be mean?” Don’t humour me! I hate it! I hate annoying people. I hate making people mad. I hate having people feel they need to pretend to like me. Maybe that’s not the case, but like I said, I’m a paranoid person. I can accept honesty. It doesn’t bother me if you don’t like something or don’t want to do something. But these games hurt.

And to the other one: denial is pathetic. If you feel what you have done needs to be denied, then you shouldn’t have done it. Don’t lie to me about things that no one else could have known about. Don’t lie when the truth is obvious. I can forgive honesty, but I don’t ever forgive denial.

So now I am sitting here today having a bad day, and very irritable, because people are too afraid to tell the truth. One didn’t want to hurt me, and the other didn’t want me mad. Well guess what happened? Your lies only brought those feelings on. Some people try so hard to avoid things, and it only brings those things about stronger and faster. Don’t lie to me.

Pushing Boundaries

2009-05-12T13:35:00.001-06:00

A lot of people have been staying at their peak. They don’t go higher ‘cause they don’t push the top. If you keep going at your limit, you will never change your limit. I hear too much “it hurts too much”, “I can’t do it”, “it’s too hard”. No pain, no gain. This isn’t just a saying masochist would use. It is very literal. If it doesn’t hurt, you will never increase your capabilities. I’m not saying “boo hoo” to those who have these excuses, but I am saying that you need to deal with it. It’s a fact of life that needs to be faced if anyone expects to get better. A balloon will not inflate if you put it in your mouth and hold your breath, you need to force the air into it. You need to force past your limits, or your capability level will not “inflate”. We all have to push farther than we can go. Go to your limit, and then do 10 more, or more if you can. Without extra push, you will not expand your comfort zone, you will not improve your forms, you will not extend your endurance, and you will not build your strength or flexibility.
I see a lot of laziness and hear a lot of excuses. I see pushups that are just a bobbing of hips or a slight movement of the arms. I see swung kicks and kicks that I can’t hear (I should hear pant legs swish with every kick). I see situps with swung arms for momentum or hands holding onto legs to pull up with. I see bent back legs and toes out to the side in bow stances. I see guards down at the waist. If you say you can’t, and you don’t push yourself, then you are right, you can’t. A lot of people think “giving your best” means going as good as you feel you can go. Doing your best means going farther than you can go. It has to hurt, it has to make you tired, or it is not quite your best, it is just your average.
On that note, I think I need to remind a lot of people how to do a proper bow stance, and pushups. I see the majority of a lot of classes with serious flaws in these two things. So first off, pushups should have: a straight back, focus your chest (not your hips) to touch the ground, neck straight, head not bobbing, arms at lease bent 90 degrees, feet uncrossed (a lot of people think crossed feet makes it easier, but it actually adds more weight to the limbs that are on the floor), focus on your chin (not forehead) touching the ground, and your arms should not be too wide. Secondly, bow stance needs to have your weight at 60% on the front and 40% on the back, both toes point forward, feet are not lined up with each other (they should be shoulder width apart).

Misery Loves Company (Please don't bully)

2009-04-09T15:02:00.001-06:00

I hate this. I hate when miserable people do their best to make others miserable too. I have dealt with this from one person for four years now. I have reached my breaking point. Yes, I am venting. Sorry to anyone who reads this, but it needs to be said. And there is also a valuable message to this vent.
To You Know Who: I don’t care how much you hate someone. I don’t care what they have done to you. NOTHING gives you ANY RIGHT to do anything to that person. NOTHING gives you any right to threaten someone. NOTHING gives you any right to turn the whole school against that person. NOTHING gives you any right to tell lies and socially isolate that person. NOTHING gives you any right to have people send indirect insults through innocent people and then later get in their face and threaten them, with a finger in their face.
Four years! It has always backfired on you! The first time, you tried to have my friend all to yourself. You told lies about all her friends to her. For some reason, you also gave her death threats. She couldn’t sleep at night! She was afraid to come to school! The drama you caused split up the group of me and my friends. I permanently lost many friends because of it. And now you are up to your tricks again. You are threatening another friend of mine. You are turning everyone against her. You are doing your best to make her mad and ruin her life. And AGAIN you have split up a group of people. I have lost friends AGAIN. This time I had someone come and use an aggressive tone with me and shove their finger in my face, making threats to me. I am not involved! Why am I being targeted now? I never did anything. And my friend never did anything either. The things that happened to you were all your own fault. You made your own problems, not her!
.................................................................................................................
NO ONE has the right to make someone else feel bad and miserable. NO ONE has the right to harass someone else. NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED! Everyone knows my passion for opposing bullying. Please people, turn the other cheek. Revenge only brings more chaos. Making others miserable may seem like it makes you feel better, but it only brings you down. You will still feel miserable. Stand up against bullying.

My Resolution Pt 2: Past and Present

2009-04-03T13:36:00.000-06:00

Reading this book reminded me of my childhood. Where I am now, I have good understanding of myself, other people, and things. I can see how I was different as a child. I can see why I was bullied so much. I can see why I couldn’t keep friends. Where I am now, I can speak my thoughts, and understand speech tone and body language. The boy in this book was very different from other children. At a certain age, everyone started to notice this. The boy never understood what he had ever done wrong or that he was different.

The point I am at in my life, I am very accepting and open about my difference. My “disability”. I can now plainly say “I have Asperger’s Syndrome. This is why I do this kind of thing. This is why I don’t always understand you.” But best of all, I embrace my characteristics. Even though I don’t always read people right, I don’t always express myself well, and I have anxiety problems, I would not give up Apserger’s Syndrome if I had the choice. Why should I? Along with all the downsides, I have photographic memory, eye for detail, ability to work on one thing for hours or days at a time without getting bored, and a high understanding of all things based on logic. I am happy about who I am. I am happy about how I am.

My Resolution Pt 1: My New School

2009-03-29T22:04:00.000-06:00

After being “kicked out” of Onoway, my mom had trouble finding me a new school. The best option for me involved a 3 bus transfer. This could not work because buses were always a problem for me. I often was left standing in the hall for the ride, while there are 10 seats with only one person in each. No one would let me sit with them. This obviously would not work. But later we found an outreach in Stony Plain. Since I started here things have been going great. I have a bunch of friends and I am able to keep them. I grew up and learned how to behave in a more socially acceptable manner, meanwhile still being me, with all my quirks.

The system is more acceptable for me. I don’t have classes so I can work on my courses on my own time, as fast or as slow as I need to. I am marked rather, not by being exactly right in one’s opinion, but whether my work makes sense or not. This is good because, in math, I often alter equations to be more understandable for me. I am good at math, but not following the equation exactly, even though there are other usable equations, left me with almost failing marks, even though all my final answers were exactly correct. I can learn better here when there are other options of how to learn, and because there are fewer people, and more time from the teachers for help.

My Struggles Pt 3: Grade Six and Junior High

2009-03-25T13:14:00.001-06:00

My first year at Onoway, I was glad to have a fresh start. Although I was scared of a new thing, like usual. It took me a while to settle in. After that while I started making friends again, and things seemed like they might work out this time. But keep in mind, this was only a year after I had ticked everyone off at my old school and lost all my friends. I was not very much developed from before, so I still didn’t understand when I was doing something annoying or inappropriate.

When I started junior high, I was mixed in with high school as well. Automatically, there were people that started bullying me for no reason, and later there were people bullying me because they started to realize I was odd. This, again, brought on the retaliation. Which made people bully me more, and made me retaliate more, more, more. By grade 8 I was being suspended for fist fights. I was put in detention often. I lost almost all my friends. After grade 8, Onoway decided they weren’t going to let me back the next year. Their reason was that parkland had stopped accepting Northern Gateway students, so they could not accept parkland students anymore. Which I still believe is a crock. They wanted me gone.

My Struggles Pt 2: Diagnosis

2009-03-23T13:00:00.000-06:00

This period of my diagnosis was very confusing for me. I was given all sorts of questionnaires about myself and my feelings. I started being analyzed by psychiatrists. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know why I had to do all this. I don’t even remember how long it went on for. But to me, it seemed like forever.

By the end of the diagnosis I was prescribed some medication. Because everyone’s body is different, and these medications are dosed according to brain chemical balance, rather than weight, I was started at a low dose, and this was gradually increased until the psychiatrist felt it was working to its best. Every time it went up it upset me. Over my life I have been on many different kinds of medications. Because I was growing up, I constantly had to be switched over to meds that were more age appropriate, and to help me more with the kind of experiences I would deal with at a certain age. The switch was always miserable for me. I have to be weaned off of one and then slowly increased into another. This is because you can go through a kind of withdrawal from immediate cease of medication, and each new medication had to be experimented to find the appropriate dose. This lasted over a period of about two months, each time. Being off of medication brought me back to a place where I was moody, and easily confused, frustrated, and anxious.

My Struggles Pt1: Elementary School

2009-03-16T15:06:00.000-06:00

I always saw this book on shelves at school. The book called “Loser” by some Spineli guy. I have been curious about it and wanted to read it for years, but I never got the chance. I spotted it again at my school library and I had some time before my bus came to get me. So I decided to finally read it. This book brought a lot of memories from my childhood.

When I was young I was very misunderstood. Teachers saw me as a trouble-maker and often took to disciplining me in the wrong way. These techniques they used are quite commonly used, but for me it only made things worse. I often never understood what I had done wrong. The punishment confused and upset me, and only caused me to act out even more. My last year at the elementary school I went to, the principal had decided to not let me go have recess for a few weeks. During this time I was to sit in the office and work on material that was more appropriate for a grade two, and was not for marks. As upset as I was, I obeyed. I sat there every day working hard and not saying a word. By the time this few weeks was over a teacher brought me to the principal, and he told me that we need to continue with this for two more weeks. This same thing happened over and over. Every time my time was done, I was told it would be two more weeks. Each time I retaliated. I didn’t know why I was being punished in the first place, and in my opinion I had been perfectly behaved during my detention. To this day I still do not know what I did wrong in my detention to deserve extra time. I began to believe the teachers were attempting to have me inside at recess for the rest of the year. After more than a month of being detained, and another time the teachers telling me I needed two more weeks, I lost it. I freaked. I was so upset. Because of my “disability” (as I do not like to refer to it that way) I did not understand when I was doing something socially unacceptable. I was not able to explain myself or my thoughts. I was constantly being bullied and retaliating against the bullies due to inaction from the teachers. When I told on someone, I was always told “It takes two to tango. What did you do to make them do this?”. When I was told on for retaliating, I was punished without question. This is because, to everyone, I was just a troublemaker.

The bullying started because I was clearly different. My classmates hit the age where they start to realize what is and isn’t normal. This was only the start. Over time it got more and more intense and more and more people began to join in. And in turn, I was retaliating more and more, until the point where I had lost all my friends, and the teachers were punishing me for the littlest things. The fact that I didn’t understand that I was different made my handling of the bullying worse. I didn’t know that I had ever done anything to deserve being subjected to this. Again, the teachers did nothing about it. Every existing condition at this school made me feel worse and worse, and act worse and worse. Near the end of the year of grade 5, my mom decided that none of the teachers knew how to properly handle me, and that I should start coming to Onoway School, where she worked. Over the summer after this school year I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and prescribed medication to help me self cope, and to help me be able to deal with others better too.

Bullies and Harrassers

2009-03-12T12:52:00.000-06:00

Why do people go out of their way to make people feel bad? This is one thing I cannot wrap my mind around. A lot of people say that it makes the bully feel better about themselves. I guess I understand why. People who cannot climb to the top of the social ladder decide they can be on top by putting everyone else underneath them. But zero is still zero, even though it has negative one and negative two, etc. under it. What I find is that I am happier when I am nice to everyone. This way I am not put in a nasty mood and other people are [usually] nice back. So why can’t everyone else do this too?
It drives me crazy when people are rude and nasty to others just because they don’t like that person. That is no excuse! There are plenty of people that I don’t like, but I am polite and kind to them, and we get along. I barely ever get in arguments with people that I have no choice but to be around. But isn’t that what we should all do? Why be nasty when you have to spend all this time with them? It won’t change the fact that you have to be around them. It won’t make that person change into someone more likable to you. It is a waste of energy to go around being mean to people just because you don’t like them. Personally, I would find it exhausting to do that!
What is it people get about making another person miserable. Being treated poorly or having a bad life at home is no excuse to go out and hurt people. It won’t solve your problems and it won’t improve them either. Maybe people could take that energy that they put into being mean and use it to work on whatever is bothering them.

"Two from Perfect"

2009-02-25T15:04:00.000-07:00

I am not at the point where I could say my life is perfect. But I can definitely say things are close to being perfect. I know earlier I talked about perfectionism and my experience of overcoming it, but this is different. This is not me being down on myself because things are not perfect. I am in rejoice because at this point in my life I truly feel that everything is on track, and there are only two things missing in my life. Nonetheless I am still ecstatic about how my life is going at this point.

The reason I feel such an important significance about the way my life is now, is because for years I have felt like there was some unseen force in my life, doing everything it possibly can to make me mad, ruin my life, and make me generally miserable. I felt like things in my life were constantly being wrecked by either myself or the unseen force. I felt like I could never stop ruining things just by being me or trying too hard (things I cannot really control). I thought I would never catch a break. This had been a habit I had tried to break countless times in the past few years. A few times I did break the habit, and things seemed like they were finally on track and that I could finally be happy, but then the habit returned, and I was back to cursing everything that happened in my life; back to making a bigger deal out of things than they were.
This has always been a struggle for me. The thing that makes it even harder and possibly the reason as to why I do this, is because I have a chemical sort of depression. It usually isn’t something one can grow out of. I have to take antidepressants every day for that reason and for other mental struggles I have. If one day I forget to take my meds, I spend that day either completely miserable for no reason, or I am “over the top” happy and out of control (depression can work both ways).

So, the reason why I say I am “two from perfect” is because there are only two things I can name that are missing. Things are still great without them, and I am not upset about not having them in my life, but it would be even better if they were. I’m not going to name these two things; they’re quite personal. But I will talk about everything that is on track.

This literally all started on one day after a conversation on the phone with my friend. Before this, I had a lot of problems. There was a girl at my school causing a whole bunch of problems and pain for everyone (again) and this time it was so much worse than the time before. All my friends were losing their tempers, arguing with each other, and feeling really down because of this girl. I was having my own little problems and this made it harder to deal with them. For about a year I have been thinking and looking into the next phase of my life: moving out and going to college. Since I don’t have a drivers licence and I likely won’t before I graduate, I need to live close to whatever school I went to so I could get public transportation. I don’t do well alone because I get lonely and scared; I needed someone I could live with. But my two options weren’t good ones. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against these two people; they are my best friends, but I feel the relationship could be compromised because with one: we get tired and short with each other when we are around each other for too long, and the other: I think if we spent too much time together, we might run out of things to say and do, just like happened with a good friend of mine, who practically lived at my place. There were some other problems but it would be too long to go through all of those.

This was almost all solved in one phone conversation. To sum it up, we found a solution to this girl that was causing trouble. We decided we were the right compatibility to be roommates, and I discovered we are going to the same college, so the question of where to live is solved, and this person also plans to move out of her house at the end of next school year.
Even though we never had to use the solution against this girl (don’t worry it’s not anything mean or wrong), we have almost been completely freed from the girl’s influence. Things worked themselves out. All of my friends are happy again; and this makes me even happier. I found this is a good time to try and break the “being down on my life” habit. I am forming a new habit of not getting so upset about things, learning to appreciate the small things, and just enjoying what is good in my life. Two from perfect, but pretty damn good!

My English Assignment

2009-02-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

When I was nine years old, I joined a martial art training program in Stony Plain, called Silent River Kung Fu. As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to join in in martial arts. My mom didn’t ever let me because I used to be a bit violent. One day she told me I could join martial arts under the conditions that I can find a place for that nearby to where I live. I was cleaning up the shoe rack when I saw an ad in the paper (used for drippy shoes) for Silent River Kung Fu. I joined a few weeks later.
Since then, kung fu has been a great passion of mine. Up until I got my second degree brown belt and was preparing to get my blackbelt next, I did very well and learned very quickly. However, the new belt required me to be in the adult class, which was the only class for second degree brown belts, I found it really difficult to keep up. I went from having the endurance of a preteen to having to have the endurance of an adult. It took nearly a year before I could completely keep up with the class. Since getting the second degree brown belt, I would often shut down and give up when I became really frustrated with myself. This happened easily due to the fact that I have OCD, which causes me to be a perfectionist and also to the fact that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, which causes me to have troubles with new things and easily become stressed and frustrated. Being a perfectionist has made things really hard. I always had to be perfect, or I wouln’t do it. But deep down I knew that no matter how well I did, I would never feel I was even close to being perfect.

After 2 years of being a second degree brown belt, I was told that I was allowed to test for blackbelt. I didn’t think I was good enough so I had never signed up to test in time to have a fair amount of training. My teacher was wondering why I hadn’t signed up, because he thought I was ready. So I decided to start training for the test. I had little time to do so. About 2 weeks before the test, and many weeks of stress and depression due to the stress, I decided I wasn’t ready to test for my blackbelt. The next year I got a fair amount of training in time, tested, and passed. This 4-5 month period was a huge awakening and also a huge psychological growth spurt for me.
While I was training, I was having trouble breaking boards (a requirement to pass the grading). I got really down on myself about that. My teacher started to notice this and tested out one of my boards. He couldn’t even break it. A family friend leaned it on a step and stopped on it, he couldn’t break it either. We even tested a hammer on it, it still didn’t break. My teacher told me that they must be too green. So he had us “bake” them in an oven to dry them out. After this I had no problem breaking them. I learned a lesson: don’t blame yourself all of the time.
During the black belt grading I was struggling. The test was long and hard, and I was getting really exhausted. It was the constant encouragement from my teachers that kept me going. That day, I discovered that, like some of my family members, I have exercise enduced asthma. I had three asthma attacks that day. I have never had any before that day, or since. This is to describe how tough that test was. When I finished, I felt I was a million miles from perfect. I thought I was going to fail for sure. But when I was told I had passed, it opened my eyes. I wasn’t perfect, but I was good enough. This eye opener also helped me to realize that I had done my best. Now I don’t shut down anymore. I try as hard as I can. I am very good at kung fu. I’m not the best, I’m my best; and I’m getting better every day.

Kung fu has also greatly affected my personality, values, confidence and self esteem, and personal goals. I would not be where I am today without kung fu. I often say that I will never quit kung fu until I am dead or crippled, I also always say that I would probably die without kung fu. Kung fu is my life. Kung fu has made my life. It has made me an extremely compassionate person. I don’t kill bugs or harm animals, and I don’t allow anyone I know to do it either. I care about the environment and want to help fix it. I love helping people. I believe strongly that, anyone who can, should donate to charity on a regular basis. These values are all because of my lifetime spent in kung fu and my strong passion for kung fu. Kung fu has greatly widened my comfort zone, which, started out quite small because of me having Asperger’s Syndrome.

Kung fu has been the largest part of my life. It has made me. It is my life. I truly believe that I could die without it. Kung fu and my teachers have been there for me through all the many periods of depression I went through, and when I felt no one else was. I may not be alive today if it wasn’t for me training in kung fu.

From School

2009-02-10T14:30:00.002-07:00

Here is a handout I got at school. Its a good one to think about.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have
Taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider
Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
But have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have
Bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
But less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement,
More experts, yet more problems, more medicine but
Less wellness
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too
Recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get
Too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read
Too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our
Values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate
Too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve
Been all the way to the moon and back but have
Trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.
We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve
Done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We
Write more, but learn less. We plan more, but
Accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush but not to
Wait. We build more computers to hold more
Information, to produce more copies than ever, but
We communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow
Digestion, big men and small character, steep
Profits and shallow relationships. These are the
Days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier
Houses, but broken homes. These are the days of quick
Trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one
Night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do
Everything from a cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a
Time when there is much in the showroom window and
Nothing in the stock room. A time when technology can
Bring this letter to you, and a time when you can
Choose either to share this insight, or to just hit
Delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones.
Because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
You in awe, because that little person soon will
Grow up and leave your side
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you
Because that is the only treasure you can give with
Your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.
Remember to say “I love you” to your partner and
Your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and
An embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
Inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for
Someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak. And give time
To share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
Take, but the moments that take our breath away.

Perfectionism

2009-02-03T12:47:00.001-07:00

A lot of people think that a perfectionist only strives to be perfect in all aspects of life. It is much more than that. A perfectionist not only strives to be perfect in everything, but feels they have to be perfect or else they are not worthy. When they are not perfect in what they do, they are very hard on themselves. It can feel like the end of the world. It can cause extreme amounts of stress. It can cause a person to go into depression. A perfectionist, no matter how well they do, will NEVER feel that they have done anything perfect. To a perfectionist, though they may or may not realize this, the goal of being perfect is like a prize up in the clouds, with no rope, the only way to get there is to jump as high as you can and hope to reach it.

Being a perfectionist has made my life very difficult. Often, my mind would shut down when I couldn’t be perfect, and I wouldn’t be able to force myself to try. This often led to me leaving to go in a private place and sulk. I could barely ever achieve anything because I would either start over a hundred times, or just give up on it completely. This made improvement in kung fu very hard, because I felt if I could not do something perfectly, it was not worth even trying. I always knew that I would never feel anything I had done was anything close to being perfect. But it was impossible for me to stop thinking about being perfect. Comparing myself to others didn’t help either.

The process of testing for my blackbelt greatly affected all of this. The few months before the testing had me very stressed, and in turn very depressed. I was crying all of the time and did little work at school. I was far from perfect when I tested. I often needed encouragement to keep going. When I was done I felt horrible about it. I felt I could have done way better. Those thoughts filled my head so much that I didn’t think at all that I had done my best; which I had done. Once I was started with training for the ceremony demo, and it had become obvious I had passed (which I wasn’t really given a solid answer at the time) I realized that what I had done was not perfect, but good enough (this was not an instant change and realization but it took time over the period of my practice). This was a whole new awakening for me. I became and still am able to accept what I had done as the best I could do. This became my new goal, rather than trying to be perfect. I am happier this way. I can finish projects without redoing over and over or giving up. I still tend to be a perfectionist from time to time (like straightening pictures, and trying to make my surrounding perfect in ways like that). But it does not get to me like it used to. I know when to accept when things are the best I could have made them.

Twenty Dollars

2009-01-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

This is an email forward I received a long time ago and rediscovered when I was clearing out my folders. It is an important reminder of our worth.

$20.00
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, "What if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.
My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special- Don't EVER forget it.

" And remember: amateurs built the ark… professionals built the Titanic.

Fed Up With This Illusion

2009-01-15T13:35:00.001-07:00

I am so fed up with this illusion high school-ers have about “social status.” They have it all wrong. No one is “better” than anyone else. No one is “cooler” than anyone else. The only thing that defines our level amongst others is our heart, our consideration, our skill. People can be a better person in means of treating others fairly, being polite and respectful, and being kindhearted. The way a person dresses, how many friends they have, etc, does NOT define us as a person. No person has the right to judge who is better than others, or who they are better than; especially when they have the wrong idea of what makes one person better than another.

I am tired of getting a dirty look because I “dared” to talk to someone. I am tired of getting a dirty look from someone who has only seen me for 2 seconds and have already made an assumption of what I am like and where I stand in this world. I AM TIRED OF GETTING A DIRTY LOOK FOR BEING ME!

I will not change. I like how I am and if anyone else doesn’t, then that is their problem. I am not going to let a dirty look make me feel bad. I am not going to let someone belittle me because they think I am at a “low social status.”

I don’t know why it is that a person has to make it their business to slam someone if they don’t like the person and what they have done. Beating someone up or putting them down is not going to solve any problems; it is not going to make that person change. A person has every right to be the way they want to be as long as it does not hurt others. No one else has any say in how other people should be. Verbally and physically attacking a person because of dislike is just as effective as doing so to the snow when it comes. It will not make the snow go away. The only thing you can do is deal with it or ignore it. This is what people should do to other people. If you don’t like the way a person looks or dresses... too bad. If you don’t like the person in general....TOO BAD! We are all equal in shape, form, and rights. BUT, we are also all different people. The only thing we can do about that is to accept it or ignore it. No one has the place or right to decide who is worthy of respect. Please accept and respect.

What's the Buzz About 2012?

2009-01-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

This has been a popular topic lately. There are many answers to this question. Some say it is the end of the world and many other things. I am going to talk about what I know about this topic. (Just because it fascinates me)

So I have a friend that is a discovery channel freak like me. We both are space and astronomy fanatics. And I asked him what is supposed to be going on in 2012, everyone is talking about it? He told me the theory he knows. It started out that people noticed the ancient Mayans had made calendars for every year, thousands of years ahead of their time. People today noticed that it suddenly ends in December 2012. My original though was “Well they had to end somewhere. They couldn’t have made calendars for the entire infinite future.”

What we know about our solar system is that Pluto is the farthest planet from the sun. But there has always been talk that there is the possibility of the existence of other planets past Pluto; too far away to see. In ancient history many civilizations have recorded about a planet (widely known now as Neberu). This planet is supposedly HUGE. It is thought that it has an elliptical orbit and one rotation around the sun will take thousands of years. It is said that the ancient Mayans predicted its return; when it will make its way close to the sun and earth. The planet is supposed to be so big that its gravitational pull will stop the rotation and revolution of the earth, for god knows how long. This can mean the end of the world because the side of the earth facing the sun will eventually become too hot to be habitable. The side facing away from the sun will freeze! This is quite the rumour! But is it true? Well.....we have only about 4 years to know!

Food Bank

2009-01-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Did everyone donate to the food bank this Christmas? It’s nice that we can all give up a little help other people. But why do most of us only donate on Christmas and Thanksgiving. People need food all year round! Did you know that there is enough food in the world to feed 1.6 billion more people than does exist in the world? So why are there millions of people starving in the world? The problem is not abundance, but distribution of food. North American’s waste so much food every day, while others have none. We eat tens upon hundreds more calories than required in one day. Meanwhile millions of people cannot even meet that requirement. If we all bought approximately 5 items per grocery trip for the food bank, we could feed all of North America.

Now as for other countries, it is not practical to buy food and send it there. It would spoil! But what won’t spoil during travel is money. If every North American donated around $5 to charity in starving countries we could end world hunger. So I encourage everyone to make a new year’s resolution to donate food and money all year round, and not just on holidays.

Winter Conservation

2008-12-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

It has been so cold this winter! It sure makes it easy to turn up the heat really high or take a hot shower, doesn’t it? We consume so much energy in the winter. We start our cars so they are warm by the time we need to leave. We blast the heat in the car. We blast the heat in our home. We only use hot water in baths and showers. Some of us leave the oven open just to warm the house a bit more. It’s these times when we need to be reminded of our effect on the world. Winter causes most of us to consume great amounts of energy without much thought. We need to remember to conserve and preserve!

First of all, we use a lot of gas in our cars in the winter. Turning up the heat in your car uses extra gas. Everyone knows that more used gas means more is bought and more pollution occurs. This time of year money is tight! Christmas shopping does that enough, but our extra gas consumption adds to it. We have so many products made just to keep warm in the car that don’t require energy. We can buy heating pads and we can, and should, dress warmer. We have warm winter clothes for a reason.

At home, it is important that solutions for the cold meet in the middle. It is not practical to keep the heat really low and be walking around the house in snow suits, while frost grows on everything in the house. But we can still bring the heat down and put on a sweater or a housecoat.

Another important thing to remember about conserving energy in your home is proper insulation. Without it we will lose so much heat through walls, windows, and doors. This makes the house colder and we end up turning up the heat even more. Make sure open spaces under doors have an insulation flap, windows are double layered, and proper sealing is done around the windows.

The hardest one to conserve is hot water. This takes the most will power. It’s not exactly pleasant to shower in cold water on a cold day is it? This is another place we can meet in the middle.

We all know of these things. But in this cold weather it is easy to forget about energy consumption when our mind is on combating the cold. It is really important that we all make conservation a habit. One day we will run out of natural gas; and the world is having a hard time keeping up with our consumption and pollution to replenish its natural state.

Animal Cruelty

2008-12-10T15:13:00.001-07:00

I wanted to talk about a recent event that has left me quite emotionally scarred. It is my intention to raise awareness about animal cruelty.
I recently read an email that was a petition against animal cruelty. Attached was a link to a website that had a video about the Chinese fur trade (I am unsure if it is really from China, the men in the video were speaking a language that didn’t sound like Chinese). The video started off with a bunch of men standing around some disorientated animals. I have never seen these animals before so I am unsure as to their species. One of the men took a bat like object and bashed one of the animals in the head. Another man took some of the others by their hind legs and smashed their heads into the ground. The animals were not killed but only left slightly knocked out. The men then proceeded to hang them upside-down and make a cut and pull the animal’s skin off. The animals were alive through the entire process. They were left to die. I knew that this happened; but knowing and seeing are two VERY different things.
This is just an example of what is happening all over the world. Many people have lost their respect for the creatures we share this world with. We’ve gone from having civilizations all over the world that worship, respect, and value the world’s creatures, to civilizations that value money and entertainment instead. This has led thousands of people to subject animals to cruel treatment. People have lost heart for what animals may feel in order to make some money off of these defenceless beings.
The fur trade is not the only area where animals are mistreated. There are many pets that are abused by their owners. There are even people who torture animals strictly for entertainment. I read about a man who once starved a dog to death in a studio as “art”.
There are many things we can do to prevent animal cruelty. We don’t have sovereignty in other countries and therefore have no say in their laws and regulations but we can do our best in this country. If anyone ever witnesses an event of cruelty, PLEASE, report it. There are many organizations that work toward prevention and ending events of animal cruelty and abuse. But they cannot do so alone. They need our help. There are two ways to help these kinds of organizations: we can adopt a pet, and/or we can donate to these organizations.

Christmas and Wrapping Gifts

2008-11-17T11:21:00.001-07:00

Since Christmas is coming it’s a good time to talk about wrapping gifts. We all use wrapping paper and seasonal gift bags for concealing presents until the right time. Not many of us realize how much garbage becomes of this practice until all the gifts are opened and there are 1-2 garbage bags full of wrapping paper and gift bags.
Gift bags are good for gifts that have a funny shape and are impossible to wrap. They are strong and durable. So why do we all throw them out when we are done with them. Unlike wrapping paper they are not left all crumpled and torn after opening. It’s important that we save these bags for next time. There are many benefits to this: save money on bags, use less material, produce less waste. The bags are designed perfectly for storage; they fold flat and a ton of them can fit in one box.
But what do you do with wrapping paper? It isn’t really that reusable. Anyone who has eager kids (or was one) knows that wrapping paper has to come off fast. Which means it is completely destroyed. Even if that is not the case it is hard to reuse wrapping paper that has been custom cut for a specifically sized and shaped box. There are two environmentally friendly options for this situation. Number one: a lot of gifts will fit in a gift bag; and two: we now have reusable “wrapping paper”. What this wrapping paper really is, is a thin plastic bag that looks like real wrapping paper. All you need to do is fold over the end and tape it shut. Opening is easy and fast, as well as wrapping. I know a lot of us sometimes complain about the time it takes to wrap all of the gifts we are giving. This really cuts down on time. You will also save a lot of money on wrapping paper, because these can be reused.
This Christmas, let’s all cut back on our gift wrapping waste!

Reusable recycled bags

2008-11-13T13:58:00.001-07:00

I recently read a comic in the newspaper where a woman was grocery shopping. At the till she was asked if she wanted paper or plastic. The woman replied “Paper! It’s easier on the environment.” On her drive home she saw a field of tree stumps. One of the stumps says “What’s the surprise? Where did you think paper came from?”
This is a good example of things we do in daily life, without the realization of its effect on the world; despite our good intensions. This comic came in perfect timing with Silent River Kung Fu’s arrival of their shipment of recycled, reusable bags. Many of you have seen or bought these at grocery stores lately. I encourage everyone to make the switch from plastic or paper bags to these reusable ones. They are good to the environment; and not to mention they are much stronger than regular grocery bags (for those of you who have double bagged in fear of tearing bags from a heavy load).

So-called "green" products

2008-09-17T20:18:00.001-06:00

I recently read an article about products that are so-called “green.” I was quite surprised. Earlier I had been saying that I was glad so many companies are going green. But, many products use terms that sound green, but really aren’t, or they just flat out lie. 99% of so-called green products make false, misleading or unsubstantiated claims.
One thing that has most people confused is the recycling symbol on many products. Many would assume that it is made from recycled material. If there is a dark symbol on a light background, this means that the product can be recycled. When you see a light symbol on a dark background, this means that the product is made from recycled material. But not all products are 100% made of recycled material. A product could have a small part of it made from a recycled material and the rest is made from raw material.
Another misconception is when products companies claim that their product is “biodegradable.” It actually is biodegradable, there are no false claims there. But if a biodegradable product is thrown out and put in a landfill, it can take hundreds to thousands of years to decompose, simply because there is too much garbage in one area for nature to break it down quick enough. The only way to have these products biodegrade quickly is if you are to compost them.
Food that has terms like “natural” and “free range” on the product, can also be misleading. Meat that is labelled “natural” might have been treated with antibiotics. Chicken that is “free range” may have never seen the light of day. This term can simply mean that there was the option of putting the chicken outside, but this could have been only a short time or not at all.
Beverages and foods may be labelled as “natural,” but they contain high-fructose corn syrup. Companies know that people today want to eat more foods that are natural. So they put that label on their product even though they know that they are not.

TerraChoice Environmental Marketing made a list of “sins” committed by manufacturers.
· Sin of hidden trade off: Products cite single or few attributes while ignoring other environmental impacts caused by their product. For example, many cleaners have been labelled “chlorine free,” but this product contains other toxic ingredients.
· Sin of no proof: This is where companies label products as “made from recycled material” or other things, but it is most likely not. There is no information to prove that the product has these attributes. But there is also no information to prove that they don’t. It is assumed, though, that they don’t have these attributes. There is no record of where materials, recycled or raw, were obtained.
· Sin of vagueness: These claims are so unspecific that they are likely to be misunderstood. Some products may claim to be “chemical free.” Nothing is free of chemicals. Everything in the world is made from chemicals; this includes water and even humans. There is the often used claim that products are “all natural.” Many poisons like uranium and mercury, are natural.
· Sin of irrelevance: Products label that they are “CFC free.” But this does not mean that the product is not harmful to the environment.
· Sin of the lesser of two evils: Companies claim their products are green and environmentally friendly. But what this really means is that they are more green and environmentally friendly than other products. They can still be really harmful. Examples are cigarettes made from natural tobacco, but it can still kill you; and insecticides and herbicides that may be safer than other pest control products, but are still extremely harmful.
· Sin of fibbing: Companies make claims about their products that are not true in any way. Claims have been made that a product is organic, but is not even a bit organic. Other companies claim that they are Energy Star certified, when they are not. And another claim is that a product is made from recycled material, when truly they are made from raw materials.

Travis Panasiuk

2008-09-05T23:01:00.000-06:00

Today I found out about Travis’s death yesterday. I didn’t know him very well. I met and talked with him a few times and I spent a great day at the renovations with him there. What I did know of him was only of good things. He was extremely friendly and we talked and joked the whole day. This is very upsetting news for me. I can see by the posts on his facebook page and on kwoon talk that he was a truly wonderful person. I send my condolences to his family and friends. I know we all will miss him very much.

Killing bugs is wrong

2008-08-29T13:52:00.000-06:00

It really bothers me when people try or do kill bugs. The excuses are always that they did it because it was “bugging them”. Which usually means that the bug was near the person and they didn’t want it there. Just because something is small doesn’t mean it is insignificant. People often make that relevence where, the smaller the creature, the less important and less significant it is. But these small bugs play a large role in the world. Flies and mosquitos, the most annoying bugs, and the most commonly killed when they are simply near someone: play a HUGE role in our world. Eliminate them and our food webs and other food webs will be greatly disrupted. It is very possible that it could cause a chain reaction of eliminating species after species until all life on our planet is wiped out. This is a very serious reality.
Many people feel that humans are superior to all living things in this world. This is very untrue. Yes, humans have more knowledge about the world and have the ability to manipulate tools, which has brought us our vast technology, but we are certainly not superior and we are not more intelligent. Many creatures in this world have amazing capabilities that we can only dream of having. Many creatures have amazing intelligence that we can only recognize if we just pay attention. Take a look a cuttlefish, for example. They can change they’re skin to any colour and any pattern. They can do this at an alarming rate. The colour and pattern of their skin can change so fast that they are able to create a show of colours that look like rippling light. They communicate with one another through these colours and patterns, and even through positioning of their tentacles. A cuttlefish assumes wild patterns and strange forms to, in a way hypnotize, their prey. They have different shows for different kinds of prey. Their intelligence level is still unknown, but it is assumed that they are much smarter than humans.
In means of capabilities, we are in no way superior. Many birds and bugs can fly. Animals like bears and crustaceans have amazing strength. Most animals can move much faster than humans. Some animals can see pigmentations that humans cannot, some insects, like mosquitoes, can even see things in infrared (colours that show heat level of things). Most animals can smell things from miles away, and can hear things that are way below audible for humans. These are things that we can only achieve with our technology. There is very little expectation for humans to ever evolve any of these features.
Humans are in no way superior to other living things neither more intelligent. We need to pay closer attention to the world and maybe we can all see this, and learn a little more about our neighbours. It is not right to kill something because you can. The only time I would ever excuse the killing of a creature is if it is, at the moment, endangering your life and health, or for food, which is a natural survival process, in which all beings do in nature. Otherwise, it is not ok to kill something, especially if it is just annoying you. I don’t want to hear “it’s just a fly” as an excuse. It plays a large role in our world and its life is worth as much as yours. Something much larger than us could easily try to justify that “it is just a human” in its killing of one. But it would be a devastating loss for us to lose a friend to some larger or more powerful creature. Yes, bugs don’t have friends and don’t mourn the loss of one of their own kind. But think about how easy something else can kill us without a thought or reason. It is just as unjust and wrong as any person killing a smaller being. All creatures are equal in importance, and we all each have our own soul.

2008-08-19T21:26:00.002-06:00

So i took a forestry course at school and there was an article about disposable diapers in it. Disposable diapers are one of the largest amounts of waste in landfills. The material doesn't break down. They cause more problems than just excess waste. The other wastes that they contain can cause the same problems that the run off from fertilized fields and manure that is washed away from cattle farms. If you are unfamiliar: the fertilizer and/or manure runs off of its original origin with the water that flows around the area from rain or farmers washing away manure. This contaminated water gets into rivers, lakes, ponds, and streams. When it gets there, plants like algae flourish. In the winter, all the algae dies off. This is referred to as "winterkill". Usually this doesn't cause any problems. But when there is an excess amount of algae, and it all dies in the winter, decomposers like bacteria that break down the algae are now breaking down A LOT of it, using up a whole lot of oxygen. The next spring, little oxygen is left. Therefore, fish and other aquatic organisms cannot grow and develop as well, and sometimes die. Diapers cause this problem too. The human waste gets into ground water and is washed into bodies of water. Causing an algae bloom, etc. Not only do they do that but they also contaminate drinking water. Harmful viruses and bacteria can develop in tossed out diapers. Also, making diapers uses more energy than making cloth diapers, and they consume more raw materials. Not to mention that the cost of disposable diapers can add up.

Many people won't use cloth diapers because they are considered to be dated, extra work, and not as convenient. So i guess poisoning the environment is a price to pay for all that, eh. C'MON!!! Personally, i think using a "dated" product that is less convenient and extra would be the price to pay for preserving the environment. Yes, they are an old product. But don't we already have styles of clothes that have made a comeback from the 70s and 80s. So there is really nothing to be concerned about in that area. And, they are not as inconvenient as some may think. They do leak a bit more, but you can buy waterproof liners for them, so there are less leaks with that. And the extra work, is definitely worth your contribution to preserving the environment AND saving money! Plus, you don't have to replace them after every use.

Soda Pop

2008-06-17T12:03:00.000-06:00

At one time Master Brinker had mentioned that he advises we cut pop out of our life. I thought to myself “Pop can’t be that bad. Can it?”.
The next time I had a bottle of pop I looked at the label. I was shocked to see that the sugar content was 31 grams. I showed my mom and she mentioned that labels don’t often show the amount of something for the entire amount of the product in one package. So I looked at the label again and it said “per 250mL”. One bottle of pop has 591mL. So that is over double the amount of sugar that I thought it was. Over 62 grams of sugar in one bottle! I have never seen such a high amount of sugar in a product. But slurpees (slushy drinks) are even worse!. Slurpees (the same amount as a bottle of pop) contains roughly 3 times the amount of sugar. Keep in mind that sugar is what feeds fat cells. A lot of sugar causes these cells to swell and this is what makes cellulite. But besides that, too much sugar can cause some major health problems.

At one time my grandma was talking about this guy she used to know. She said that he used to be huge. But now he’s really skinny. When she asked him how he did it he said that all he did was stop drinking pop. That goes to show just how unhealthy pop is for you. So many people don’t pay attention or have no idea just how bad pop is for your body. Remember when it was on the news that most cereals contain as much sugar as a chocolate bar? Everyone went nuts and started cutting out sugary cereals. Some of the sugariest cereals have from 15-18 grams of sugar per cup. Pop has 31 grams per cup. Everyone made such a big deal about the cereal while they are going out a drinking pop, without a care.