After being “kicked out” of Onoway, my mom had trouble finding me a new school. The best option for me involved a 3 bus transfer. This could not work because buses were always a problem for me. I often was left standing in the hall for the ride, while there are 10 seats with only one person in each. No one would let me sit with them. This obviously would not work. But later we found an outreach in Stony Plain. Since I started here things have been going great. I have a bunch of friends and I am able to keep them. I grew up and learned how to behave in a more socially acceptable manner, meanwhile still being me, with all my quirks.
The system is more acceptable for me. I don’t have classes so I can work on my courses on my own time, as fast or as slow as I need to. I am marked rather, not by being exactly right in one’s opinion, but whether my work makes sense or not. This is good because, in math, I often alter equations to be more understandable for me. I am good at math, but not following the equation exactly, even though there are other usable equations, left me with almost failing marks, even though all my final answers were exactly correct. I can learn better here when there are other options of how to learn, and because there are fewer people, and more time from the teachers for help.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My Struggles Pt 3: Grade Six and Junior High
My first year at Onoway, I was glad to have a fresh start. Although I was scared of a new thing, like usual. It took me a while to settle in. After that while I started making friends again, and things seemed like they might work out this time. But keep in mind, this was only a year after I had ticked everyone off at my old school and lost all my friends. I was not very much developed from before, so I still didn’t understand when I was doing something annoying or inappropriate.
When I started junior high, I was mixed in with high school as well. Automatically, there were people that started bullying me for no reason, and later there were people bullying me because they started to realize I was odd. This, again, brought on the retaliation. Which made people bully me more, and made me retaliate more, more, more. By grade 8 I was being suspended for fist fights. I was put in detention often. I lost almost all my friends. After grade 8, Onoway decided they weren’t going to let me back the next year. Their reason was that parkland had stopped accepting Northern Gateway students, so they could not accept parkland students anymore. Which I still believe is a crock. They wanted me gone.
When I started junior high, I was mixed in with high school as well. Automatically, there were people that started bullying me for no reason, and later there were people bullying me because they started to realize I was odd. This, again, brought on the retaliation. Which made people bully me more, and made me retaliate more, more, more. By grade 8 I was being suspended for fist fights. I was put in detention often. I lost almost all my friends. After grade 8, Onoway decided they weren’t going to let me back the next year. Their reason was that parkland had stopped accepting Northern Gateway students, so they could not accept parkland students anymore. Which I still believe is a crock. They wanted me gone.
Monday, March 23, 2009
My Struggles Pt 2: Diagnosis
This period of my diagnosis was very confusing for me. I was given all sorts of questionnaires about myself and my feelings. I started being analyzed by psychiatrists. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know why I had to do all this. I don’t even remember how long it went on for. But to me, it seemed like forever.
By the end of the diagnosis I was prescribed some medication. Because everyone’s body is different, and these medications are dosed according to brain chemical balance, rather than weight, I was started at a low dose, and this was gradually increased until the psychiatrist felt it was working to its best. Every time it went up it upset me. Over my life I have been on many different kinds of medications. Because I was growing up, I constantly had to be switched over to meds that were more age appropriate, and to help me more with the kind of experiences I would deal with at a certain age. The switch was always miserable for me. I have to be weaned off of one and then slowly increased into another. This is because you can go through a kind of withdrawal from immediate cease of medication, and each new medication had to be experimented to find the appropriate dose. This lasted over a period of about two months, each time. Being off of medication brought me back to a place where I was moody, and easily confused, frustrated, and anxious.
By the end of the diagnosis I was prescribed some medication. Because everyone’s body is different, and these medications are dosed according to brain chemical balance, rather than weight, I was started at a low dose, and this was gradually increased until the psychiatrist felt it was working to its best. Every time it went up it upset me. Over my life I have been on many different kinds of medications. Because I was growing up, I constantly had to be switched over to meds that were more age appropriate, and to help me more with the kind of experiences I would deal with at a certain age. The switch was always miserable for me. I have to be weaned off of one and then slowly increased into another. This is because you can go through a kind of withdrawal from immediate cease of medication, and each new medication had to be experimented to find the appropriate dose. This lasted over a period of about two months, each time. Being off of medication brought me back to a place where I was moody, and easily confused, frustrated, and anxious.
Monday, March 16, 2009
My Struggles Pt1: Elementary School
I always saw this book on shelves at school. The book called “Loser” by some Spineli guy. I have been curious about it and wanted to read it for years, but I never got the chance. I spotted it again at my school library and I had some time before my bus came to get me. So I decided to finally read it. This book brought a lot of memories from my childhood.
When I was young I was very misunderstood. Teachers saw me as a trouble-maker and often took to disciplining me in the wrong way. These techniques they used are quite commonly used, but for me it only made things worse. I often never understood what I had done wrong. The punishment confused and upset me, and only caused me to act out even more. My last year at the elementary school I went to, the principal had decided to not let me go have recess for a few weeks. During this time I was to sit in the office and work on material that was more appropriate for a grade two, and was not for marks. As upset as I was, I obeyed. I sat there every day working hard and not saying a word. By the time this few weeks was over a teacher brought me to the principal, and he told me that we need to continue with this for two more weeks. This same thing happened over and over. Every time my time was done, I was told it would be two more weeks. Each time I retaliated. I didn’t know why I was being punished in the first place, and in my opinion I had been perfectly behaved during my detention. To this day I still do not know what I did wrong in my detention to deserve extra time. I began to believe the teachers were attempting to have me inside at recess for the rest of the year. After more than a month of being detained, and another time the teachers telling me I needed two more weeks, I lost it. I freaked. I was so upset. Because of my “disability” (as I do not like to refer to it that way) I did not understand when I was doing something socially unacceptable. I was not able to explain myself or my thoughts. I was constantly being bullied and retaliating against the bullies due to inaction from the teachers. When I told on someone, I was always told “It takes two to tango. What did you do to make them do this?”. When I was told on for retaliating, I was punished without question. This is because, to everyone, I was just a troublemaker.
The bullying started because I was clearly different. My classmates hit the age where they start to realize what is and isn’t normal. This was only the start. Over time it got more and more intense and more and more people began to join in. And in turn, I was retaliating more and more, until the point where I had lost all my friends, and the teachers were punishing me for the littlest things. The fact that I didn’t understand that I was different made my handling of the bullying worse. I didn’t know that I had ever done anything to deserve being subjected to this. Again, the teachers did nothing about it. Every existing condition at this school made me feel worse and worse, and act worse and worse. Near the end of the year of grade 5, my mom decided that none of the teachers knew how to properly handle me, and that I should start coming to Onoway School, where she worked. Over the summer after this school year I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and prescribed medication to help me self cope, and to help me be able to deal with others better too.
When I was young I was very misunderstood. Teachers saw me as a trouble-maker and often took to disciplining me in the wrong way. These techniques they used are quite commonly used, but for me it only made things worse. I often never understood what I had done wrong. The punishment confused and upset me, and only caused me to act out even more. My last year at the elementary school I went to, the principal had decided to not let me go have recess for a few weeks. During this time I was to sit in the office and work on material that was more appropriate for a grade two, and was not for marks. As upset as I was, I obeyed. I sat there every day working hard and not saying a word. By the time this few weeks was over a teacher brought me to the principal, and he told me that we need to continue with this for two more weeks. This same thing happened over and over. Every time my time was done, I was told it would be two more weeks. Each time I retaliated. I didn’t know why I was being punished in the first place, and in my opinion I had been perfectly behaved during my detention. To this day I still do not know what I did wrong in my detention to deserve extra time. I began to believe the teachers were attempting to have me inside at recess for the rest of the year. After more than a month of being detained, and another time the teachers telling me I needed two more weeks, I lost it. I freaked. I was so upset. Because of my “disability” (as I do not like to refer to it that way) I did not understand when I was doing something socially unacceptable. I was not able to explain myself or my thoughts. I was constantly being bullied and retaliating against the bullies due to inaction from the teachers. When I told on someone, I was always told “It takes two to tango. What did you do to make them do this?”. When I was told on for retaliating, I was punished without question. This is because, to everyone, I was just a troublemaker.
The bullying started because I was clearly different. My classmates hit the age where they start to realize what is and isn’t normal. This was only the start. Over time it got more and more intense and more and more people began to join in. And in turn, I was retaliating more and more, until the point where I had lost all my friends, and the teachers were punishing me for the littlest things. The fact that I didn’t understand that I was different made my handling of the bullying worse. I didn’t know that I had ever done anything to deserve being subjected to this. Again, the teachers did nothing about it. Every existing condition at this school made me feel worse and worse, and act worse and worse. Near the end of the year of grade 5, my mom decided that none of the teachers knew how to properly handle me, and that I should start coming to Onoway School, where she worked. Over the summer after this school year I was formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and prescribed medication to help me self cope, and to help me be able to deal with others better too.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Bullies and Harrassers
Why do people go out of their way to make people feel bad? This is one thing I cannot wrap my mind around. A lot of people say that it makes the bully feel better about themselves. I guess I understand why. People who cannot climb to the top of the social ladder decide they can be on top by putting everyone else underneath them. But zero is still zero, even though it has negative one and negative two, etc. under it. What I find is that I am happier when I am nice to everyone. This way I am not put in a nasty mood and other people are [usually] nice back. So why can’t everyone else do this too?
It drives me crazy when people are rude and nasty to others just because they don’t like that person. That is no excuse! There are plenty of people that I don’t like, but I am polite and kind to them, and we get along. I barely ever get in arguments with people that I have no choice but to be around. But isn’t that what we should all do? Why be nasty when you have to spend all this time with them? It won’t change the fact that you have to be around them. It won’t make that person change into someone more likable to you. It is a waste of energy to go around being mean to people just because you don’t like them. Personally, I would find it exhausting to do that!
What is it people get about making another person miserable. Being treated poorly or having a bad life at home is no excuse to go out and hurt people. It won’t solve your problems and it won’t improve them either. Maybe people could take that energy that they put into being mean and use it to work on whatever is bothering them.
It drives me crazy when people are rude and nasty to others just because they don’t like that person. That is no excuse! There are plenty of people that I don’t like, but I am polite and kind to them, and we get along. I barely ever get in arguments with people that I have no choice but to be around. But isn’t that what we should all do? Why be nasty when you have to spend all this time with them? It won’t change the fact that you have to be around them. It won’t make that person change into someone more likable to you. It is a waste of energy to go around being mean to people just because you don’t like them. Personally, I would find it exhausting to do that!
What is it people get about making another person miserable. Being treated poorly or having a bad life at home is no excuse to go out and hurt people. It won’t solve your problems and it won’t improve them either. Maybe people could take that energy that they put into being mean and use it to work on whatever is bothering them.
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